As we live in two opposite parts of the world, where the time difference is significant, I can only talk to you until afternoons, since that’s midnight for you. I don’t want you to stay up too late because of me.
Remember that day when we texted each other for five hours straight? I said, “Let me know when you want to sleep. I would totally understand,” and you replied, “No, it’s fine. I like chatting with you.” My stomach suddenly filled with butterflies. Someone actually enjoyed spending time with me and wasn’t just being nice. I never thought anyone would mean so much to me, but apparently you do.
I know that we cannot see each other regularly; we cannot hold hands and go to movies together. I know you will not be able to take me out to dinner like you promised you would. I know I will not be able to cry on your shoulder after a long, exhausting day. I know it will not be like anything I imagined it would be to have a significant other. I know it will be hard. But I’m willing to give you a try.
Please love me the way I love you. I will love your charming smile, your gorgeous green eyes, your sense of romance, as well as all your broken parts, just as you have embraced all my imperfections. You accept my flaws, even if I do not sometimes. I have never met anyone who is more tolerant than you, and I suppose that is why I have never been more honest with anyone else in my life. Maybe it was love at first sight, or maybe such a thing does not exist.
When you turned me down because of the one million miles between us, I was disappointed and frustrated that I seemed to have finally found someone special, but the relationship couldn’t work out, though I understood and respected the reasoning completely. Your rejection is probably for the best for both of us, anyway.
When you left me on read, the whole world immediately seemed to turn against me. Time reacted to my anxiety by its mischievousness and started to tick slower. I thought I was checking my phone every five minutes, but in fact, I was actually doing it every 30 seconds. I told myself to leave my phone alone, and it would ding if you replied. My subconscious could not resist it. I was afraid of the idea of you suddenly disliking me.
Maybe I screwed things up so bad and I didn’t even realize it. You said you adored me so much. You gave me all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings every time I saw your texts. You would have tightly wrapped your arms around me if the distance between us was a million miles shorter.
My friends kept telling me that I have to stop caring for you so much. Maybe you didn’t mean everything you said, but I took it so seriously. Deep down, I know you are not just someone random, but someone special who could change my whole life. Maybe that’s just me trying to hold on to you.
Maybe all you’ve been telling me are lies. Maybe you’re just saying it all to be nice. Maybe it was me. Maybe I’m too naive to still believe in love at first sight or to even believe that love still exists in this big, scary, messy world.
You promised you would be there.
You promised forever.