To let go of an almost four-year relationship is never easy, not for you, and never for me. Despite of being together and being there for each other, there are still ghosts that chase us individually, mine happens to loving you so much that I did things just to keep you. Yours? what has been your ghost? it seems that even in the existence of our relationship, you still looked after something we can’t have at the moment, even when you know why we can’t have it all that time. You looked too far and did things far from good. I am furious, if only I can hurt you, I would but I loved you enough I can’t even stay mad at you.
It hurts. It hurts so much that even after we separate ways, you treasured a lie. I know you were scared, I know you feared seeing me mad and leave you for such because I know you loved me, but you loved me not enough. Because if you do love me? no matter how grey our clouds that time, you will still choose me no matter what, no matter how lost you are and mad you are at the situation. You will choose to tell me the truth and face the consequences, you will tell me you are wrong and will not blame it over alcohol and your friends, because if your loved me? you should have listened to me. you should have went home and sleep and call me instead. You should have chosen me. For that one moment, you ruined everything, our dreams, our goals. You ruined me and most of all, you ruined yourself.
It hurts. It hurts so much that I need to let you go. I need to forget the pain I once felt, that you once healed. You are precious, you will always be. There is nothing more beautiful than having you in my life, we fought together. we fought hard. We battled enough that we get tired, I’m tired my love. Despite of the ghosts we overcome together, I fought with your monsters alone just to keep you going and moving and I am tired. I am tired of saving you, pulling you up and pushing you onward. I am tired of forgiving and understanding you over and over again. I got tired of loving you.
I loved you so much and it killed me. Let me go.