Friends can make or break you – it’s true and it’s all up to you!
No friendship is perfect (of course) but if your ‘friends’ often let you down, are they really your friends? If you accept the wrong bunch, chances are your life will be full of troubles and disappointments, and vice versa.
Rule out those ‘friends’ that are showing these 7 behaviors:
1. They Are Never Happy For You
Have you ever realized that when good things happen to you – be it scoring the highest on a test, got promoted on a new job, or simply getting recognized for the good deeds you did – they are never happy for you?
As a friend, they should be your biggest fans as you should for them. If you ever caught them giving you confusing congratulatory remarks (‘Of course you win. If I enter the contest, you’d lose. Congrats anyways!!’), blatantly dismissed your success (‘That’s great, but you know that’s really nothing’) or anything of that sort, these so-called friends are not actually your friends.
They might see everything you do as a benchmark to be better than you instead. Though this sounds like a motivation, if this feels like a constant battle, it will never be a fruitful friendship. They may be over the moon when they see you going through a rough phase in your life. The only time they are happy for you is when you are not better than them.
A genuine friend will want to see you happy and push you to greatness. A phony friend will want to see you crash and burn, even if they plaster a smile for you. So, the next time you see your friends not clapping for you when you succeed (anything that may be), be aware!
2. They Believe In One-Sided Affair
Do you always make the effort to call them, text them, ask them out, help them, surprise them, and whatever that requires only YOUR effort but you almost never receive anything in return, or maybe not at all? Is that even a friendship?
Possibly the only time they make an effort is when it is convenient for them – want someone to dine out since her other friends are short of cash, shop with them because everyone else is out of town or hang out with you only for her assignments.
When you ask them for a little favor, you get nothing but excuses. Other than that, they come and go like any of the four seasons. This friend of yours absolutely do not value you. Remember that all friendships should be equal and balance. You are better than this so the next time they ask you for help, run, and never come back.
On the flipside, they are friends who never listen, they only talk about themselves.
Any relationship requires a 50-50. If one party does more than the other, that is not a relationship. If you are in a crisis, but they keep harping on about themselves, your wall makes a better friend. Once it becomes a habit; the whole time will be fixated on them, why would you want that? What is a day with a so-called friend if it exhausts you both emotionally and physically? You also deserved to be heard and be worthy of a genuine conversation without having the topic to revert about them all the damn time!
3. They Are Too Busy For Everything And Anything
Yes, everyone has things to do daily – careers, assignments, money, relationships, internships… you name it. Sometimes juggle two things at once. No one can be there for you 24/7/365. On the other hand, if you find yourself constantly being ditched, receive no response or if you are lucky a ‘busy’ reply, then it is time for you to never open that damn door for them anymore.
These species will get caught responding, ‘I’m busy, I work every single day, I’m tired’ only to realize that he or she will never be busy for other meet-ups though. You will also get tons of promises on how they ‘miss’ you and ‘cannot wait to see you’ nonsense, only to go missing in action each and every time you ask about it.
You know they play the ‘busy’ card a bit too much when you spot them liking posts on social media or were tagged in pictures of a party they have attended when really, they told you they are busy at work that day. Bullsh*t! People who care for you will always make time for you, period.
4. They Are Never There When You Need Them
Do you know about the ones that are there for the good times, but never the bad?
These sorts will remain with you when you are at the top, but never when you are at the bottom. In fact they are in your life now to ride along your coattail; trying to acquire your success with your presence.
You can find them say ‘I always know you can do it’ but never once did they make it known or want to associate themselves with you. If you ever hit the lowest again, they will never be there. They will never be around even when you are at your lowest phase of existence. Really, they might even pass judgments about you HOWEVER once you get back in the game, they claim to have stood by you all the time, but you know better.
5. They Neglect Important Dates
Sure, there will be few exceptions if your friend honestly forget about one of your significant days (that’s fine!), but if you catch this person always ignore your occasions (not even a wish) – birthdays, graduations, celebrations, wedding and the list goes on, then he or she clearly does not bother about you or your feelings.
If you love someone dearly – think of any mother’s birthday – you would think that being there for her will make her day, even a simple wish will make a difference. As they say ‘it’s the thought that counts’. Similarly if it is your birthday, it will be nice to have your friends think of you, as you always have for them right? It is not the case here if they deliberately forget, making myriad of excuses to be away from you.
For example, your ‘buddies’ are throwing a surprise party for a mutual friend, but not only was this gesture never done for you but you were excluded to know about the party! If your ‘friend’ cares more about others than you, then they never regard you as a friend in the first place.
6. They Have Trust Issues With You
Do you divulge plenty of information to her – at times your innermost secrets, but in return they never truly share anything with you?
Naturally if two complete strangers get together, it makes total sense that they will hold themselves back or reserve their mysteries for the first few months, but ‘till what extent? If you realize that they never want to disclose anything – where they live, their house digits, their family welfare, their work experiences, or anything friends usually look into, it is a red flag. If you happen to ask, they will be difficult and never give you a straight answer. True friends will have an open conversation and will inform you when things are off-limits to talk about. The thing is if you extend yourself as a friend, and they do not give back the effort, you should forget about it.
7. They Belittle And Disrespect You
Giving you pessimism when you are feeling the best is what they do.
They are not the ones to trust if they demean you – openly or secretly – especially in public or in front of your families. No one should feel small and miserable around their friends, you should be uplifted instead. There is a fine line between being honest and being rude thus, if you experience spitefulness in any way over and over again (‘You are the skinniest among us, eat a sandwich. Do you even eat?’), you need to get rid of them.
If you sense that they intentionally make bad choices for you (‘I swear just study this chapter’ when you should study the whole book), continuously scrutinized you in front of your mates (‘OMG! You don’t know how to do this? You’re so slow!?’), or dish out your biggest insecurity when you told her not to, you should unquestionably get rid of these pests.
They can also be uncouth to you by repetitively telling you to ‘get over it’ or whatsoever, but never listen to what you have to say, never put in the effort, never been honest to what you have to do. When you are with them, it is always emotionally damaging. We are all humans, we all get emotional some days, if they never empower you, kick them out of your world.
Truth is, some days you will feel like giving up, but real friends will tell you not to because they have never given up on you.
“It is better to be alone than being with someone who makes you feel alone”
Guess what? You are allowed to outgrow people. Trust me, once you cast out the ‘friends’ that eat you alive, you can achieve a better, healthier, and more meaningful path in life with real friends who matter.