There is nothing constant in this world. At least that is what we are taught, fed and imprinted on from an early age.
But I have discovered that pain is immune to such laws of consistency. You are never truly free from the clutches of pain. Sure there are moments when one gets content or happy enough to surpass the feeling of drowning.
But it always comes back.
The pain never leaves you – it keeps lurking around waiting for that one breath, that one second where it can again find it’s place.
Time does not heal anything. We just learn to cope better. We learn ways to hide the signs of weariness, try to master a smile that is finally free of any kind of force from us. We meet new people, go to new places and have new experiences. All in search of the peace of mind that we all deserve. Soon we become someone whom we never imagined being like – nonetheless maintaining the sense of self which separates us and Makes us unique.
We Begin to wonder how would lives have been if we had not endured what I have been put through? More outgoing and confident? More inclined to parties than curling up with a book? A better temperament than easily blowing off the lid? More nuanced to note that everything is in fact not fine?
I believe pain is many things. The thing that makes you move forward, with a foreshadowing that anything could go wrong. The thing which makes us warier of having a big heart. The thing that makes us feel empathy and more importantly that none should go through what we have been. Pain is a paradox. It makes you more yourself while stripping off your core. You begin to disbelieve people and you allow the flicker of hope. You make up your mind that there is no one who can save you from drowning while still holding up your hand. You put up these walls only to let them be broken by the unexpected.
It takes a lifetime of pain to realize that one can never get closure. We become addicted to vulnerability. To hope. To new beginnings. Only to realize that this time it will return more violently and omnipresent.
In a world that can’t stop hurting, all I hope for is a place not free of pain; Pain is inevitable. But the strength to move forward. To find solace in solidarity. To make peace with the fact that being hurt continuously is very much a possibility. And that’s actually okay.