10 Reasons Why Vegans Are So Angry

Stereotypes often stem from the truth, and in the case of the angry vegan, there is no doubt that we sometimes slip up and douse our rage all over anyone who even looks at a chicken wing with a glint in their eye. We try to keep it under control, we really do. Our lifestyles are based on love and compassion and we want people to consider our ideology, not run for the hills the moment we mention the V word. We aren’t pressuring you to start comparing tofu brands on your next grocery store visit, so please try to refrain from pressuring us to rip your head off.

1. Because our coworkers tell us they are animal lovers while eating double cheeseburgers for lunch.

Why no love for the cows between your sesame buns?

2. Because we must make peace with the fact that as children, our parents took us to petting zoos to see the piggies and then served pork chops for dinner later that night.

Aw, come on, Mom. Really?

3. Because EVERYONE suddenly whips out their MD certificate to inform us how bad a vegan diet is for our health.

We didn’t realize you were qualified to be a physician. I guess you’re just working at pizza plaza to pay off your med-school bills.

4. Because of the “What about protein?” questions.

Why haven’t you looked this up by now if you are so concerned?

5. Because people think we went vegan to be trendy.

I thought trends were socially accepted.

6. Because people think we can only eat fruits and vegetables.

We laugh at this while eating our vegan pizzas and ice cream.

7. Because non-vegans delight in their efforts to make us feel bad about our choice to live a life that we believe benefits our bodies, animals, and the environment.

Wow, thank you for coming along and showing me some perspective. I feel like such an asshole now for wanting a healthier world.

8. Because people are trembling in anticipation to emphasize how much they LOVE meat and how they will heroically eat two animals to replace the one we naively attempted to save.

What an original idea! We still think your risk of heart disease is eminent, only now by double.

9. Because you think it’s inhumane to eat cats and dogs, but other four-legged animals belong on the dinner table.

Pigs were found to be just as intelligent as dogs, but to their great misfortune…bacon.

10. Because people argue that they are true carnivores and therefore must eat meat every day to survive.

We’ll take you more seriously when we see you chase down a deer on foot, kill it with your bare hands, drink its blood, and then eat the rest of it raw.