Why Self-Love Can Be Destructive

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Twenty20 / @caitlinspaulding

Self-love is becoming more and more prominent, especially over social media. It’s becoming a movement that no one can ignore, but what is self-love? It is defined as the regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. What does that mean exactly? It means learning to love who you are and what you do, for the sake of yourself. It can be learning to love your body as it is, realizing your strengths and accepting/or (safely) improving your flaws.

Self-love is portrayed as a warm, fuzzy and comfortable movement, and it is the majority of the time. But what do you do when you struggle with self-love? What if you have learned and grown and changed your mindset and still do not love certain aspects of your body or personality? Do you continue straining yourself trying to force the love you keep seeing and reading about and desperately want?


An important message often missing from the self-love movement is so simple yet almost always overlooked. It’s okay to not love everything about yourself.

It can be difficult, but realizing how you truly feel about yourself can be life-changing. You don’t have to love your stretch marks, acne or laugh that’s a little too loud. Acceptance is enough. Accepting who you are and what you stand for is enough. More than enough. Forcing love will never have a positive outcome. Deciding to love yourself after you drop that extra 15lbs or after you get that promotion you’ve been dying to get at work is not self-love. These will lead to feelings of disappointment, failure, and self-hatred, causing turmoil and destruction to your mental health, physical health and overall well-being.

Self-love should be viewed as loving yourself at your own pace, for your own reasons. It should be feeling confident, embracing your weirdness and striving to be happy. The idea that you HAVE TO love yourself completely, 100%, 24/7 is maddening. You might completely love yourself, be a work in progress or just starting your self-love journey. The important thing to remember is you are worthy of love, from everything and everyone, including yourself. TC mark

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This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
Let go now