Things You Need To Understand About Massachusetts Drivers

“Everyone in Boston drives like a big asshole!”

Well… yes. Listen folks, if you’re not from around here, you’ll just never get it. People always tell me how bad us Massachusetts people drive and how a dog could do it better. But hey, there’s a reason they call us “Massholes“. We’re really just living up to your standards of the common asshole drivers you all really think we are.

You never hear of Boston drivers getting in late to work, that’s because of the special ability they have to cut off any sort of oncoming car within a two-inch distance from their bumpers. And you know they’ll get away with it without a scratch of proof. 

We need our Dunkin’ Donuts, people! 

I know that it’s a difficult concept for foreigners to understand the demand for Dunkin’ Donuts around here, but trust me, it really is a serious matter. You’ve never seen someone as angry as a nicely-dressed business woman in the morning, that is, until you see her run back into Dunkin’s bitching at them to make her coffee “correctly” the second time around.

Road Rage: The Struggle of Massholes

“Come ahhhnnnn what the fahk!” I’m so used to hearing it from my very own Masshole family, I almost forget not everybody sounds like a frantic lunatic swearing their head off when they drive. Even if it is their fault, you can bet your ass an apology will never be recieved. Maybe just a bunch of middle fingers to the car who you “accidentally” cut off instead.

I guess this is my formal apology from every asshole driver in Massachusetts, so America… I’m sorry that I may threaten to rip your head off when you cut me off, it really is a sincere promise, though. Know your place, drivers around the world. Massholes will win in driving against you any day. This isn’t an opinion, just a fact that came right from any Bostonian to ever live.

Sincerely, the biggest Masshole driver to walk the face of the Earth.