Love. You’re either deeply immersed in it, falsely convinced you’ve found it, actively seeking it, or avidly running from it.
It’s built into the roots of who you are, it flows through your veins and rests deeply within your organs. It’s what traps butterflies in your stomach and imprisons your heart in your throat.
You try ceaselessly to digest other people in hopes that it satiates you and fills your incessant hunger for love. You either bend, shrink or break in order to be what you think they want. You try to change, fix or save them in hopes that they fit into your missing puzzle pieces.
You do everything you can think of to make them stay, make them fit, and justify that you’re not crazy, you’re just crazy in love. And then you lose them, and you realize you’re suddenly lost, too.
And perhaps when you loved someone too much, when you were too intense or too invested in someone else, it could be reduced to simply not loving yourself enough.
Perhaps it wasn’t that you cared so much about them, but rather that you didn’t care enough about you, and you couldn’t recognize when it was time to leave.
It’s like putting your hand by the flame to keep it warm, but not knowing when to take it away. If you’re not careful, you’ll set yourself on fire, and it’s a lack of self-care, not an intensity of your love, that determines the degree of the burn.
You feel so depleted of love and yet you’re lost to the fact that the one you’re so desperately seeking is you.