This For Every Time You’ve Said ‘It’s Okay’ When It Was Anything But

A woman holding her arms up in the sky on top of a mountain.
Becca Tapert / Unsplash

“Okay.”

Why do we say that, when we feel anything but?

We whisper “okay”, as we try and convince ourselves that it is, but each time we do, we swallow our truth and accept less than we deserve in this life.

It’s not okay.

It’s not okay that you’re struggling to love yourself right now. That you avoid looking in the mirror, and feel disgusted when you do. It’s not okay that somewhere along your journey, you learned to despise your beautiful self. And it’s not okay that most of the world wants to see you lose that fight, so they can continue to sell you stuff to “fix” you.

But there will come a day when your fight gets a little easier. Your struggle, a little lighter. And one day, you’ll be so content and whole within, that all of those voices will quiet and blend into nothing but white noise.

It’s not okay that your best friend started talking shit behind your back, when you thought for sure she was the only one in this world who had your back.

But you will find your way to better friends who you can always count on.

It’s not okay that you don’t know who to trust anymore, because people always lie or leave. It’s not okay you’ve been dealt more than your fair share of betrayal. And it’s not okay that your heart no longer beats, it simply aches.

But you will learn to trust your instincts in a way you never have; and kind, loving people will come knocking at your door, and will not leave again.

It’s not okay that you were lying there on the hospital bed getting an abortion, without him by your side. It’s not okay that he said he’d be there for you, but never showed up. It’s not okay that he said he couldn’t be there, because he had shit to do. It’s not okay that you had to go through this alone.

But God, if only you could see how strong you are. If only you could see the sheer strength in these scars you now wear.

It’s not okay that you don’t know what it feels like to truly be loved. It’s not okay that you’ve lived all of these years, and you’re yet to taste the most incredible thing on this planet.

But trust me when I say, your time will come. It will. There is a special soul making their way to yours, but it’s not time yet. Trust they are on their way. Trust that they exist. Because on the day they finally find you, you will feel so tightly enveloped and treasured by the universe. And you will understand why you had to wait until now to find your person.

It’s not okay that you never felt like you fit in this world. It’s not okay you felt you had to change who you really are, in order to be accepted by those around you. That you were convinced you aren’t attractive enough, smart enough, thin enough, worthy enough, funny enough, white enough, popular enough… always falling short of good enough.

Because you are enough. You always were, you always have been, and you always will be. As long as you believe that with every breath you take, there is no one who can tell you different.

It’s not okay that he cheated on you, then asked for your forgiveness. It’s not okay that he thought for a moment he was deserving of your love again. And it’s not okay that he treated you like a cheap object that could so easily be thrown in the trash and replaced.

But if you look closely, there will be a painful, but poignant lesson waiting for you here. You see, he was never good enough for someone like you. And deep down, you knew it. Let your anger, pain, and shame wash over you as long as you need, but don’t allow it to stay forever. Because your pain will only end up consuming you, if you allow it to. Turn your pain into your healing. Turn your anger into a celebration that you are now free. And turn your shame into rivers of love – for yourself.

It’s not okay that you lost someone you love too soon. It’s not okay they were stolen from you in the black of the night, without warning. It’s not okay they were given a death sentence, leaving you watching as the clock counted down to zero. It’s not okay that one day, you answered your phone, and nothing in your life was ever the same again.

But the thing about this life is, it’s temporary – for all of us. None of us know how long we have here. All we can be certain of, is that someday, we won’t get a tomorrow. So take this as your reminder to really live your life, in the way you’ve always dreamed of, but never dared.

I dare you.

None of this is okay. But you will be. TC mark

Shani Jay

Join me on Instagram for more sunshine, and check out my book, Bloom.

This is for all of the girls still learning to love themselves…

…the girls who feel like they don’t measure up, who’ve wished they could wake up as someone else for a day, who feel like they’re somehow less than what they should be. This is for all of you who have been led to believe your beautiful souls are not enough.” 🌸
“This book came to me at the perfect time—it is so genuine, uplifting and powerful! If you are looking for something that will soothe your soul and motivate you to love YOU for exactly who you are and become the women you aspire to be, this is the book for you!”—Danielle
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