Every day, I’m edging ever so slightly closer to being 30 than 20. FML.
Where the hell did the past ten years just go? It feels like only yesterday I was pretending to learn about World War II, and was thinking hard about what to wear to prom.
I thought I was supposed to be able to manage my own life by now? Who’s gonna sort out my car insurance if my dad gives up threatening and finally stops doing it?
I really didn’t appreciate how skinny the younger me was, without effort.
I wonder for how long I can keep getting drunk 3+ times per week, inhaling pizza as the night draws to a close, and getting a Maccy D’s for brekkie the morning after, and not become too much of a chubster…
Will I ever settle down?
Will anyone ever settle down with me?
What if I die alone with cats? I don’t even like cats.
I always said I wanted kids before I was 30… but that now seems waaaay too soon.
Isn’t now the time to just jack in this mediocre job and go travel the world like ALL my cool friends are doing? Amy was chilling on a beach at 9am this morning, meanwhile I was stuck in traffic and then accidentally trod in someone’s sick. Happy Tuesday.
But do I have enough money? No, it all went on alcohol last weekend & that ASOS basket… DAMN.
Will I ever be able to afford my own house? Hahahaaaaaa.
I should also really start putting money away into a ‘FUCK OFF’ fund, y’know, in case I need to unexpectedly tell my job to fuck off.
Can’t start saving, need to pay for the spa days/festivals/hols I have planned for THIS SUMMER BABYYYY!!
How is it that my younger brother/sister has their shit together way more than I do? When did this happen? Somewhere along the way I have taken on the clown crown, and this is NOT okay.
Said younger brother/sister is also in a long term committed relationship, and I am still very much single. If they get married before me I’m fucked. DO NOT GET MARRIED BEFORE ME!!
What did we do before Tinder?
The 15 year old me thought I’d be making a lot more money than I currently am.
You know what they should teach you in school instead of all the useless shit they do try and teach you? How to make lots of DOUGH.
Also – how to start and maintain a healthy functional relationship. How to love someone. Forever. This is way harder than our parents make it look. Jeremy Kyle will never be able to retire.