7 Things I Look For In A Man To Be The Father Of My Children

Your 20s are meant to be your selfish years. Or at least that’s what all these publications aimed at Gen-Y and millennials promote.

Because of this oh so prevalent mentality, a lot of young men and women our age turn their heads away from settling down and all that comes with it.

“I’ll do it eventually” and “I’m living in the now” are two of the most common arguments we hear when the question of marriage comes up.

You guys can keep that.

It’s crucial to have fun and be free while you still can, but I’m all for being properly prepared for that next chapter in life. And when it comes to choosing the guy who’ll eventually father my children, here are 7 qualities he’ll have to possess:

He places me at the top of his list of priorities.

I don’t date for the hell of it. I look to the future. So chances are if I’m still dating a guy after a year, I can see him being not only my husband, but the father of my children. If I’m one of his priorities now, then this will probably carry on to the moment he adds life to the eggs in my ovaries. Pregnant women require even more attention and care, so that trait must be shown from the get go.

He doesn’t need a second mother.

I love to cook and I don’t mind cleaning. But if a time comes when I can’t or don’t feel like doing either, I’d like to know that my partner’s got it handled. He’s adult enough to maintain the household and do his own damn laundry. This is a joint venture, not a reenactment of gender roles from the 60s.

He responds well to open and honest communication.

Communication is key to maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship. So when there’s an issue, I like to address it when it first arises. I’d like the same respect on his end. Having kids can totally change the climate of the relationship – maybe the romance has become lackluster or we have no time to ourselves. It’s up to both parties to address any concerns as they come along.

He views our relationship as a partnership.

Relationships aren’t 50/50. Why half-ass something you want to last forever? We’re in this together; I have your back, you have mine. And when our mini-me is hitting high notes at 3 AM, it’s reassuring to know that you’re there to help.

He keeps calm in the midst of a crisis.

So many things can go wrong when parenting: injuries, infections, explosive diarrhea. So if he’s able to stay calm during the storm— even before the topic of children comes along—then he’ll probably make a great father. From mood swings and cravings to the day my water breaks, I need a guy who doesn’t crack under pressure.

We share some of the same world views.

Each of us is entitled to his or her opinion. But it’s equally important to have similar stances on life. We may disagree on home décor, movies, and sports teams, but when it comes to how we raise our children, we have to be on the same page. Religious views, politics and how we’ll discipline our kids are a few things that probably shouldn’t be overlooked.

He knows that family comes first.

Point. Blank. Period. How we treat our families now influence how we’ll manage our own in the future. Jobs are lost, money disappears and friendships fade with time. Family is forever, and so are the tiny humans we create as a result of our love. Family takes precedence over all things frivolous, and my future children will need a father figure who demonstrates just that.