10 Lines Heard In Fits Of Public Rage

It must be a by-product of dense city living, because I’ve never seen a person lose it in the suburbs. Whether it’s the stress of home and work demands, or a lack of personal space, it always amazes me how people can be so publicly on edge and ready to snap, even at seven in the morning. Here are the best lines I’ve heard over the years.
  1. You gotta problem? Imma blow you up. I’m gonna blow you up like 9/11! – Raging woman in front of a post office counter. There is a reason the windows are bullet proof.
  2. Excuse me?! You want me to move? Suck my dick. Suck my dick till your mouth goes dry. – A man on a crowded train, in response to a woman’s request to pass. I didn’t know passing through had such a high price.
  3. You bothered by me talking on my phone? Listen, our president is a black man. My people rule now. – A woman responding to sneers about her loud phone conversation.
  4. Are you looking at me? I am a Native American Indian and I’m the only one who has a right to be here. – A black man on the train who thought I was looking at him.
  5. Listen, if you think this is ghetto, this ain’t ghetto yet. Imma get ghetto on you real quick if you push me. This is NOT GHETTO! – A woman getting antsy waiting in the Ikea returns line. I did not wait for her to get ghetto.
  6. Get the fuck off that seat! Who do you think you are laying there like that? I’ve got a job, I am gonna sit! – A man whacking a drunk man on the head with a newspaper because he was sleeping on an entire train row during rush hour. He got up.
  7. Do you not know what ‘plain’ means? Plain means nothing on it! This is unacceptable and this should never, ever, happen again! Do you hear me? No, that’s not enough. I want you to say ‘Yes, I understand.’ Say it! – A lady about her bagel at a coffee shop. I wouldn’t want that replacement bagel.
  8. You sit there and do not fucking move. You are bothering this nice lady beside you. Do not fucking move or I will break your arms! – A woman yelling at her toddler son beside me. I did not fucking move.
  9. If your bag even gets close to touching my face, you’re going to eat it, shit it out and I’m going to make you eat it again. A seated man on the subway threatening the guy standing in front of him.
  10. Wash, wash, wash your vagina…wash, wash, wash… A man singing to his female companion on the train. I didn’t stick around to see the woman’s reaction, but I assume it was an instance of public rage. TC mark

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  • ohai

    This is actually hilarious. Awesommme.

  • http://goldenday.tumblr.com Kia Etienne

    HAHAHAHAHA oh wow.
    i love people. they say the funniest shit.

  • Matthewmjgonzalez

    okay. i have to respond to this… i love this.

  • klaus

    It would have been better if you gave the context before the quote, that way I wouldn't have to go back and read the quote a second time.

    • Jordan

      Haha I noticed myself doing that too.  No problem though

  • Daedalus

    I think it's more sad than funny.

  • http://twitter.com/whoismari whoismari

    hi, Kia – great read.

  • peter

    Shakira, Shakira! O bb when u talk like dat… 

    enjoyed this piece a lot

  • Jordan

    The absurd creativity of these lines is awesome, and they all seemingly came on the spot, from the gut.  Lovely lovely rage.

  • Waicool

    sounds like somebody's got a case of the mundays

  • Mr. White

    I've grown very fond of creative insults.

  • Jelly Roll Morton
  • sjd

    i once worked in a coffee shop. it was a thankless job. i would come in hung over and high, really caring not what customers wanted. One fine Sunday morning, i prepped a bagel and coffee for rude woman. She went out to her large SUV and proceeded to fill her fat fucking face. She reentered the shop with half of the bagel in hand and placed it on the counter. Demanded to speak with the manager because i made the wrong bagel. I offered to prepare a fresh bagel. She looked at me and said “You are dirty and should not be working in food service.” I laughed. I then replied “I'm dirty? Lady, you're a fat yuppie cunt who needs to get fucked. Here's dirty for you!” I then picked up her half of bagel and threw it at her face and a hot coffee at her feet. That was thenend of that job.

  • technicolorgirl

    Some girl across the street screamed “Why don't you set your hair on fire since you feel so pretty?!” at her roommate the other night. It was awesome.

  • sarah robbins

    “WHAT? DO I WHAT? WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME LIKE THIS? I AM AMERICAN, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??” a man in response to my most American looking friend after he asked him if he, “slapped the bass”

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