Yes, you love him.
If you didn’t you probably would not be with him in the very first place. But since you are a woman who has always had to choose between your mind and your heart, there might be times when you end up loving him, in all the wrong ways.
A relationship is just like a calm starry night, the moon shining bright. And then every fortnight, the moon disappears, giving you a pitch dark sky. One day, just like that empty night, you might not treat him the way he deserves. You are just a human, and humans do make mistakes.
Still, I do hope that you choose to let your light shine bright, and love him right, even if there’s no moonlight. I hope you do every bit to keep him there in your life, safe and intact in your heart, like you promised him you will.
I want you to remember the first time he looked at you, the way your heart fluttered and melted into the sweetness that you lovingly put on the ink and paper, lying next to your bed. I want you to remember the first time you felt safe in his arms, you were finally home. I want you to remember how he was the lighthouse, shining on you, as you swam across the huge ocean of this city, with nowhere to go. I want you to remember the first time you just looked into his eyes, and your soul knew, it had found its place.
And what made you hold his hand and make a personal vow to never let it go was the way he completed you, every bit and pieces of you, he had carefully collected and kept in himself. And that had made you be his.
I want you to know that if you keep trusting him, he is going to keep doing what he’s best at, completing you. Tell him how he mends every nook and corner of yours, and he won’t ever let you crash on the floor.
I wish you know that your paths have crossed and he was meant to make a huge difference in your journey. How you treat him makes him, him. He sees himself as a man through the happiness and pride of his woman, that’s you. Knowingly or unknowingly, you hold the strings to his heart, his being, his identity, you are. In you, is his solace. In you, is his masculinity.
If you love him, you need to love him in all the right ways.
You need to know that he was already damaged, rummaged and broken when you came. He had lived his part of loving someone to death, sleeping beside the woman he thought was his life. But he was destroyed. Aren’t we all at some point? He has lived his share of destruction and in you, he doesn’t see another episode. If he is with you, he has perhaps given it another chance, kept his unflinching faith in the compassion a woman is, and let his heart bare and naked for you to tend to. Don’t let him down.
You destroy him the moment you tell him he is not enough. The moment you make him feel he’s changed. The moment you clock his every action and compare it with who he was, when things were right. He doesn’t want you to compare, for his love for you is endless. He doesn’t want you to judge him, for he just isn’t good at saying it out loud. But trust me, he does think of you the moment he finishes the day, and you’re on his mind the first thing in the morning.
He just wants you to support him when he is struggling with the word ‘money’. He wants you to believe in him and his plans for your future with him. He just wants you to know how sometimes being ‘the man’ takes a toll on him. He wants you to know that he is sometimes tired to be the son, the responsible one, and all he wants is, to hide in your lap and let it all fade.
Know that he would be broken if you stopped trusting him to be your man. You would take every inch of him if you only sit by his side when the times are right and leave him to himself when he cannot give it back to you. Know that his love is going to consume you and him as well, and he seeks your love in every single moment, not just when you want a shoulder to cry upon or a punchbag to come back home to.
Make love to him, not just because he is a man, but because the woman in you wants to. Hold that hand and look into his eyes and tell him that you would never let him go. Do not destroy him, for he too can go weak. He is just a human being. He too can have tears if the whole world is fails him, but do me a favour, do not fail him.
I know that you too have had your share of heartbreaks, failures and breakdowns. But remember, his is the love that made you breathe again.
Together you have dived into the deepest trenches and still made it back to the shore. Don’t just love him because he took care of your emotional baggage when it was too heavy on you. His love and existence is going to be the life in you. If you are with him only to fill your empty voids, he is going to know and that is going to take him down.
Remember that he doesn’t look for a fixture in you as well. Maybe he has opened up to you and laid bare his past, but it is not to make you fix all the pieces into one. Maybe he wants you to know that the harsh him is just the storm he has endured and it has changed him, shaken him in ways only you can understand.
He wants you to give him time to heal, with you, in you.
Do not think of him as a broken man. If you love him, love him for all that he is and is not. He is just like you, imperfect yet perfect, incomplete yet finished to finesse. He wants you to see him naked, with all his flaws and scars.
If you do love him, grow together. Be the conduit to his dreams, let him catch his universe holding your hand. Let him fight the world and win his fears, soaked in your love. Love him enough to make him overflow with the emotion.
If you choose to love him, promise me, you would love him the way its supposed to be done. Love him with all your being and I promise he is going to make you the happiest woman in the world. If you love him, love him to the moon and back, love him the way its supposed to be done, in all the right ways.