I fell for a guy who wears make up.
I’ve told this story to almost every friend I have. Some of them are rooting for me and some of them thinks I’m crazy. Yes! I am definitely crazy ― crazy for him, at least. I am hopeless and hopeful at the same time. Hopeless because there’s a 99.9% that he won’t like me back and the other 0.1% is the possibility that he will. And that small chance gives me a huge hope. Damn this feelings.
I fell for a guy whose eyebrows are always on fleek.
God knows how much I admire him. Oh god, I admire him so damn much and it’s so infuriating because I know, I know more than anyone else that he won’t feel the same way. Though it’s not entirely impossible ―but the possibility is tinier than a speck of dust. What should I do? My heart is beating so fast and loud like it will explode or leave my chest at any moment.
I fell for a guy who can perfect a winged liner.
I can’t perfect a winged liner, of course not. I know nothing about being beautiful. And he’s more beautiful than me and so handsome at the same time. Everything about him, physically, is stunning. But I know, I can see through him that he also has a beautiful personality. And that makes him the perfect guy for me.
But the sad truth is, I only met him in the internet. It feels like falling for some celebrity and you can’t do anything except to look at him from afar. The feeling of reaching someone so unreachable. I’ve chatted him a few times because I don’t have much confidence and I’m overthinking stuff. That maybe, he’ll find me so annoying or stupid if I constantly chat him about my feelings. Even if I know that he’s too nice for that.
Sometimes, I am contented with just his photos and videos.
And sometimes, I wish for more.
More connection, more conversation.
This isn’t wrong. Love will never be wrong.
It may be insane, I know. But I am not the only girl in this entire universe who fell for someone so unreachable, someone so high and mighty that the fall is too slow, that it seems like it’s bottomless.
I hope that somehow, my feelings will reach you. Don’t worry about breaking and shattering my heart into pieces because I am more than ready for it. In fact, the thought of you turning me down is what I’m expecting rather than you, accepting my feelings.
But I am not giving up.
This unattached attachment, somehow, makes me connected to you. Even if the connection is blurry. I am still grateful. Because in the world full of sadness and heartbreaks, I am lucky enough to experience, again, the feeling of falling in love, the feeling of getting excited over something so petty, the feeling of annoyance whenever you ignore me, and the feeling of happiness when you notice me.
I am lucky that I fell for a guy who wears more make up than me.