I Left College To Get An Education

Caesar Sebastian
Caesar Sebastian

I left college to get an education. After two years of school, I felt dissatisfied with a Creative Writing major that hindered me from writing what I longed to write. The educational system, it seemed, confined me from myself and personal pursuits, so I went elsewhere.

Of course I was condemned for this decision, but I altered nothing because I knew what I was doing, even though the pathway itself was hazy. I had time to broaden my horizons and discover myself apart from the academic world. Yet somehow I found myself in the midst of a mad plight, a constant fight within myself to know myself. Survival was a matter of motion.

Others said: “That’s fine. Leave school. Build a life in your mind, and fight. Fight until you don’t know what you’re looking for.” It seemed there were no right answers, just answers, all of which were inconclusive and binding. I let the crisis ensue and worked a simple job, felt the weight of roboticism. How could I seek refuge in novelty when I derived meaning from nothing? When I realized that I had dedicated my life only to wanting to want something. Apart from work, I explored myself — read, wrote, and devoured the world surrounding, until I was unhinged, free, soaring above the stratosphere, yet desperately unhappy.

I wanted everything and nothing at once and receded back into the hell of my mind. My job became a dead end and left me weary and confused as I realized that I had no more time than before. I missed my former life. Somehow neither place was adequate, so I desired a life in limbo, a constant yet impossible transitory state. The skin I wore was inescapable. I missed my colleagues and mentors, the classroom learning style, and all of which I had grown accustomed. I wished to do more on a daily basis, to delve into the chaos in which I always dwelled. So after a month, I cancelled my leave of absence for the fall.

I regret nothing. I left school to get an education and returned for one as well. Both experiences—though one was short-lived—were fruitful. I always say that if you toss an intellectual out into the world, she or he will explore relentlessly. Inside or outside of the classroom, you are in the right if you are questioning. Forget your appearance on paper. Set aside your career goals for a moment and unravel yourself. Drown out the drones surrounding, and allow yourself to find what fits. My mistake was the restless nature of my stride, my desire to fight for a freedom that I possessed. Now I will permit myself to find a comfortable pace and to peel the weapons off my chest.

So what do we do? Go to college, do not go to College—what is the proper way to obtain knowledge? In my opinion, it is not A or B; which path you pursue is your choice, and you do indeed have a choice. Remember that. After you make said choice, then perhaps you will realize you are wrong, and you will change something. Personally, I still lack a definite plan, but that is beside the point. If matters not so much what you do but that you do something with the entirety of yourself, that you pour passion and compassion into the earth. That, I believe, is the core of our existence. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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