This week, I’ll cover Resting Bitchface Syndrome (RBS), a debilitating affliction that affects the facial muscles, causing the afflicted to appear upset, depressed, pissed off, confused, and/or bored despite internal feelings and mood.
Stop blaming your parents for telling you you’re special. You now know it’s a lie, but you can only blame yourself for continuing to pretend it’s true.
When we’re in public and we spot a fit dude with chiseled abs, a pec-tacular chest and no shirt, it’s easy to say, “What a tool/douche/showoff/shmuck, etc.” But what if that man isn’t built like a Greek god? When a pudgy, doughy-bodied dude goes shirtless, we don’t say a word.
As for extremely jealous, controlling situations — those typically aren’t going to end well, so walking (or even briskly jogging) away isn’t necessarily a bad idea.
Instead of only recognizing the awards, scholarships, and honors bestowed upon graduates by professors, let’s include some student-voted awards, like “Most Undistinguished Track Record of Questionable Hookups” and “Outstanding Achievement in the field of Day Drinking.”
When you’re starving for their time and attention, this is an opportunity for sustenance. The scraps and crumbs of their busy schedule will serve as nourishment. Very little, but that’s better than nothing.
Whether you like him in his clean-shaven, hopeful early days, or his scruffy, overgrown, widow-boning, depressed days, Noah is inarguably one of the greatest fictional boyfriends to ever not exist outside of our collective imaginations.
Never touch her. Even when meetings end and she hugs everyone, pretend to have difficulty tying your shoes or looking for your lighter. Notice the way everything you do to avoid suspicion is only raising more.
Expect trust. Without trust, you have nothing. Your partner should trust you completely until you give them a reason otherwise. If they don’t trust you, if they’re already paranoid in the beginning and try to control you, the relationship is doomed. Because it’s not about you. IT’S NEVER ABOUT YOU.
I know you must get that a lot, and on good days you probably let it slide. You think, “We’re happy and that’s all that matters,” you think, “Some people are just ignorant, but that’s not our problem.”
This person can explain electricity, the Pythagorean theorem, and why leap year exists, but the one question to which they have no answer is why they’re single. And they want to know why, goddammit.
I’ve shot airsoft guns, paintball guns, water guns, Nerf guns, staple guns – every type of gun that isn’t actual bullets.
Make too much physical contact. Engage in tense, unflinching eye contact. Lick your lips. There’s a fine line between “flirty” and “creepy.” Cross that line.
You deserve to look for love, if that’s what you want, and be ready to accept it when it comes your way.
Somehow we can convince ourselves, at the beginning of June, that we’ll be fine when the end of August rolls around and it’s time to put things behind us. And yet, when that moment comes, we often start scrambling to make it work through the distance, the difficulty, and the new opportunities of the fall.
Is that weird? I feel like your ex has all the information I need, all the spoilers, everything that would save me grief and time and pain.
But like I said before: who cares about the story or the “reality” of the story? It’s about the sex, right? But here’s where I say that’s it’s not about the sex, really, at all.
