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I really wish that Laura Linney’s brother murdered her at the end. They need at least one plotline where love actually results in murder.

Look at all these names in your phone. You are so popular. You know people. Why are you coming up short? Why is there such a gap between the people you know and the people you can rely on?

Come across something that you don’t need, need — but you’re convinced that you could really use (e.g. new bath towels, a Frappuccino maker, etc.). Place all of them in your cart with the utmost confidence.

John Tyler did some serious work in the White House — and I’m not talking about the 1844 Treaty of Wanghia — he fathered 15 children with two different women in his 71 years on this planet.

Giggle alert: the infamous sex scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman transpires at the 69-minute mark.

Everywhere you go, you’d have to worry about getting recognized. Today it took me like an hour to get dressed and I still somehow managed to walk out the door wearing a muuu muu. As I walked the three blocks to my coffee shop, I just hoped and prayed I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew and have to explain why I was dressed like an overweight art teacher at a community college.

Guys, how adorable was it that adults thought Oregon Trail was educating us in the least bit?

Even when I was less sore than the body sleeping next to me I was always tired, more hungry, more lost, more alone; I could only ever feel the feelings of my own body (and the perpetual screams of my calf muscles), and therefore I was the only one feeling them.