3 Real Reasons Being Submissive In The Bedroom Is Perfectly Okay (And Satisfying)

Flickr / you me
Flickr / you me

People often believe that there is something wrong with them simply because they want to be submissive to their man. The truth is that it’s perfectly normal to feel this way.

However, wanting to be submissive can conflict with how society expects you to behave. You are expected to constantly act confident and even a little aggressive (especially in business). This may conflict with how you really feel internally.

So, the first thing is to accept that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be more submissive. Some people naturally feel this way, while others naturally feel like being more dominant. You’ve heard of BDSM, right?

1. It’s a spectrum.

When you are figuring out how to be more submissive, you may start to think that there is only one way to embrace your submissiveness, that you need to be either totally submissive to someone or not at all. The truth is that everyone feels either submissive or dominant to varying degrees. Some feel it more than others and want to experience it more deeply than others.

You might feel like going into complete submission to your partner, where they control every aspect of your life or maybe you only want to be submissive in certain ways or at certain times. Again, it’s important to come to terms with this being something that’s completely normal.

For some, the only type of submission that they ever want to experience is giving their man oral sex.

OK, now that we have talked about the fact that it’s totally normal to feel submissive and even want to be submissive as well as submission being a spectrum as opposed just one, simple defined thing, let’s talk about some ways to experience your submissiveness with a partner.

Talk to your partner about it.

The first stage of getting your partner to understand your submissive tendencies and the fact that you want to learn how to be more submissive is talking to him about it.
Coming right out and telling him everything about it may be a bit “too much, too soon.” A better approach is to slowly build up to this by telling him about the things you enjoy doing for him, that just happen to be submissive, while also letting him know that you enjoy him being dominant.

Starting with simple things is best, before graduating to telling him about the more extreme submissive tendencies you may have.

2. Being submissive does not mean being weak!

Just because you want to learn how to become more submissive for your partner does not mean that you need to become weak or feeble when you are around him. In fact, he will probably respect you less if you do start acting weak and feeble around him. (Being kinky is all about role-playing, that is, acting.)

To make sure that your partner still totally respects you while you submit to him, it’s important that you both establish some ground rules so that it never gets to a point where you no longer have control in your life, and he has total control.

3. Use a safe word.

A major component of establishing some ground rules with your partner when you are being submissive is what’s called a “safe word.” This is a word that you wouldn’t ordinarily use to let your partner know that you are no longer comfortable with being submissive and want him to stop.

Making sure that you both know the safe word and when to use it is crucial. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


Sean is a sex coach who created the Bad Girl’s Bible for women to have more orgasms and enjoy more passionate, intimate sex with your partner.

Keep up with Sean on Twitter and badgirlsbible.com

More From Thought Catalog