Truly loving someone takes courage and a willingness to be vulnerable. But it is that vulnerability that opens the door for heartbreak. At some point in a new relationship, there may be a realization that one person’s feelings have progressed faster than the other person’s. Now this is through no fault of either person however hearing that person is still on the fence about you stings to the core. Four emotions accurately describe my feelings when I broached this subject with the person I loved.
Through all of this and regardless of the ultimate outcome, I honestly have no regrets. I wanted her to know how I felt about her, even though I knew she may not feel the same. I want to live my life with a fearlessness and openness that may lead to heartbreak but may also bring true love and happiness.
I was hurt. Like taking a fast ball to the stomach or a swift kick to the gut. Now I can’t say that I was completely blindsided by her telling me that she wasn’t sure about her feelings and whether a relationship was in our future. I could read her expressions and see the inner emotional battle she was waging. Although I had an inkling, hearing the words absolutely pummeled me.
Some amount of sorrow came over me. I think it’s because she knows all of my best qualities and everything I’m willing to do for her, but even still that might not be enough. A flood of negativity consumed my thoughts and all of my insecurities immediately rushed forward.
Pouring my heart out to someone and not having the feelings reciprocated made me feel foolish. Foolish to think I could be the man of her dreams, her soul mate and “person”.
But finally, after all of those terrible feelings of anxiousness, a wave of hope came over me. Just because she isn’t there right now with her feelings, doesn’t mean she won’t ever be. It’s quite possible that time will shed a light on what is important and meaningful. I carry that thought with me and pledge to myself that I would continue to work on myself and the relationship. What happens after that, well, I guess it is up to fate.