1. What is Danny Devito doing in my mirror?
2. Oh, I must have slept through my 20s and 30s!
3. Which one of my grandparents can I blame for this?
4. If I rub my head, it’s like it’s raining hair! hahaha! *sobs*
5. DESTRUCTO DISK!
6. I should change up my shampoo.
7. I should probably shampoo less.
8. I should never shower again.
9. This expensive pomade is the problem, with all those chemicals and what not!
10. I look like Donald Trump’s pubes. Where is that pomade?
11. Hair plugs can’t be that expensive.
12. Why couldn’t it be a greying thing, like Anderson Cooper?
13. Do men with hair actually worry about the color?
14. That guy on the subway…his hair is GORGEOUS.
15. …what if I scalp him?
16. I need to accept this with grace.
17. Fuck it, I’m wearing a hat forever.
18. Jude Law still gets laid, right?
19. Whatever, dating was a pain in the ass anyway.
20. Maybe I can grow it out like Kill Bill David Carradine?
21. I need to be realistic about this.
22. Maybe I can shave it all off like Kung Fu David Carradine?
23. Hope my boss doesn’t make me take this hat off.
24. Am I older than my boss?
25. I should probably retire.