Literally EVERYTHING You Need To Know About This Season’s Hottest Fashion
Ahh, fashion. The ever looming, ever elusive aim to be “trendy.” What clothes should I wear? What word mash-ups do I use? What do I need to do to stand out from the crowd… or at least blend in with the right one? These are all great questions, the answers to which seem to change every year and, sometimes, even more frequently. Luckily, some of today’s most prominent fashion “ins and outs” have been laid out for you right here in this article, so you can go ahead and stop looking like such an idiot all the time. Buckle up, fashion comin’ at ya!
IN
Plaid Patterns
Great choice! The 90’s plaid revival is still going strong, so you can’t really go wrong here. From hipsters to hillbillies, you’ll fit in with whatever bunch you choose… and look good doing it! Look at you, you’re a fashion natural!
OUT
Swastika Patterns
Yikes! Not sure what you were thinking with this one. Can’t say it’s real tasteful… from a fashion OR an ethics standpoint. Let’s follow our moral compass to the nearest mall and find a replacement for this sorry old relic!
In
Baseball Caps
Lookin’ goooood! Baseball caps have always been a cool accessory, even dating back to the days when they were used as caps to play baseball in. Just flip that sucker around, flatten that brim and viola! You’ve got yourself a real, hip lid for the here and now. Go on, put some cred on your head!
Out
Jousting Caps
Egad! Not EVERY athlete can be the apple of the cheer captain’s eye, and let’s be honest… when’s the last time you saw her riding off with your school’s star lancer? Safety’s pros are fashion’s cons, and you’re going to be one safe son-of-a-gun in this hunk of iron. Lift that visor and take a long, hard look in the mirror, soldier.
In
Mink Scarf
Elegance. Luxury. Class. Ornateness. This is a list of words that define you, per typing “elegance” into thesaurus.com. Go ahead, waltz into that party. Demand the attention of the room, just to berate everyone for looking you in the fucking eye. You earned it ‘cause you owned it, you handsome devil.
Out
Panther Scarf
Uh oh, here we go again! Yet another night that you decided to wear that live jungle cat out to the bars. Didn’t any of your friends have the decency to tell you what a fashion faux pas you’re committing? Perhaps their mouths were too busy being torn to bloody shreds by the angry predator draped over your shoulders. Kick that kitty to the curb in favor of some more fashionable neckwear.
In
Watercolor Tattoos
How cool are these bad boys? A bit of ink has always been a great way to express one’s self, but why should it have to be so DRAB? It’s often said that the human body is but a gangly, disgusting canvas, and it’s high time you started treating it as such. C’mon, get a little crazy and get a little colorful!
Out
Tattoo of Queen Elizabeth Being Pelted with Wrenches
Give me a break! The cold steel impact of airborne wrenches is NOT something sweet old Queen Lizzy is going to enjoy on her 80-year-old body, and let’s be honest, is this permanent little number something you are going to enjoy having on yours? Tattoos are forever, chief. How about something a little more tasteful?
In
Eating Quiona
Whoa! Has a superfood ever been this super SEXY? Probably, but who is keeping track of such a thing. Regardless, it’s clear that if you’re looking for a healthy mind, body and ego in this, the year 2014 of our lord and savior Jesus Christ, you need not look further than a spoonful of our flashy little nutrient pebbles here. Open wide, here comes the TRENDY train! Choo choooo!
Out
Feasting on The Flesh of The Living, For I Am Stor-Varg The Maleficent, King of Wendigo and Haunter of Dreams
What can I even say about this one except… *EYROLL*! I guess everyone can’t be cut out for the catwalk. But hey, if you’re happy, I’m happy. Elbows off the table!