Whatever Happened To Giving Date ‘Feedback’ Like Grown Adults Instead Of Just Ghosting?

odettedesiena / www.twenty20.com/photos/096ef171-c7f5-4441-8cdf-8020fff5f762
odettedesiena / www.twenty20.com/photos/096ef171-c7f5-4441-8cdf-8020fff5f762

Don’t worry, this is not poem, but I felt the title was fitting so kept it even after googling ‘ode’.

Since the advent of what I’d like to call ‘smart dating’, by which I mean using applications on a smart phone to date, be that for actual dating or hook-ups, I have noticed that people just don’t give feedback any more, constructive or otherwise.

What the hell, when did this become a thing and when did it become socially, morally and ethically acceptable?

I mean, I have been a ‘victim’ of the no feedback ladies of this world, what I mean by no feedback ranges from a match on Tinder that never responds or a nights chatting on Tinder to be followed by silence, even worse is the post meet up ghosting…..where did she go??!

Now I get that there are some genuine circumstances which drive this kind of behaviour, such as trying to manage too many matches, or a match after that person has stopped using Tinder but still has the app (why?), but still these deserve some feedback, even if it is just a simple case of unmatching that person. I mean at least you know where you stand when someone unmatches you, it’s a deliberate act based on a second review of your pictures, bio etc or a decision to leave Tinder, or yes in fact your chat is shit.

But people don’t even do this!

I guess in an ideal world it would nice if sometimes people would actually go one step further and give you feedback, you know the kind of thing that goes like this;

“hey, was nice to meet you, thanks for the drink, but you are not my kinda of guy/girl, so I don’t want to see you again and I am going to unmatch you”

or, because constructive feedback is even better, something like this;

“hey, it was nice to meet you today, but I must say, you look different to your pictures, how old are they? And you came across different in person, maybe nervous, who knows, but it didn’t feel right so I don’t want to see you again and I am going to unmatch you”

Now that second one is pretty harsh, and would definitely piss some people off in the short term, but at least they would know where they stand. I would recommend a swift unmatching after providing that kind of feedback, but it might act as a prompt for the person to update their profile pictures (because using old pictures is just stupid!) and it might also help them change the way they are, so they can find love, or at least a hook-up if that is their thing.

There isn’t an ivory tower here, I am as guilty as some, and will be trying to take on board my own points, but I guess I am putting this out there to encourage the use of feedback, leaving people hanging is a really suckass thing to do, and yes every moves on, but I stand by the above point which is that feedback might actual help the person change for the better, and helping people feels good.

So the next time you have a match that on second thoughts you don’t like, just unmatch the person, at least they know where they stand.

If you go for a drink and all is not what it seems, that’s fair dinkum, but again try to give some feedback before swiftly unmatching that catfish.

I can’t guarantee you will feel better for doing so, hopefully you will, but in most cases at least you’ve done the decent thing, the moral high ground welcomes you to the fifth floor.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this, maybe it’s now acceptable to not give feedback and I just need to move with the times, or maybe you have been the victim of ghosting, in which case what do you think to it all? TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus