They’re not too tall, not too short. Not too fat, not too skinny. And their not-so-average sized friends never quite know how to handle that. To help with that, here is a list of things you should never say to your standard sized buddy.
1. Do you play volleyball?
On occasion, sure, but it’s not my profession or anything. Most professional volleyball players are above average height.
2. You can wear anything and look good!
Actually, no. I mainly only look good in clothes that fit me. Usually size medium or large. Anything bigger or smaller than that, and I look pretty silly.
3. What’s your secret?
I recently switched from beer to vodka but to counteract that, I am eating pizza 4 times a week. I also work out for about 3 or 4 days at the start of every year.
4. Can I hire you as a midget entertainer for my party?
I don’t think my typical stature would delight your guests as much an actual little person. Plus, at 180 or so lbs, no one would be able to toss me very far.
5. How many months along are you?
If you are implying that I am pregnant, please remember that I am a man and therefore that is not possible.
6. You are so normal sized. Don’t you ever get tired of eating the recommended serving sizes?
Occasionally I miss a meal and other times I will binge. I am a human being.
7. I heard they are hiring people your size at Target.
Yes, I believe Target practices non-discrimination in their hiring by policy.
8. You remind me of Manute Bol.
That’s surprising since Manute Bol is 7’7” and I peak around 5’10”