When neutron stars collide one of two things can happen: both stars will either merge to form one larger neutron star, or they will both collapse into a black hole.
The supernova began when we hugged that night. For a split second our chests collided, and as your fingers touched the small of my back, our hearts met for the very first time. That was when it began.
It took four months for me to be sure that I loved you. Those feelings culminated in an explosion of memories that replay in my head in slow motion. There are nights when I cannot will myself to fall asleep because I keep hearing your voice inside my head. You telling me what you ate for lunch and how a song that played on the radio reminded you of me. You dancing around your room to smooth jazz, laughing as I try to snap sneaky pictures. You complaining as you roll out of bed in the morning and drag on a pair of sweatpants. These moments made it impossible for me not to explode with happiness.
I changed after that explosion. I think you did too. We became neutron stars – our outer layers peeled off, our cores collapsed and all that was left were the parts of ourselves that we were too afraid to show anyone else. That was when we began to collide. I hoped that we would form a larger star, that we could eventually find a place in this universe together.
But we tore each other apart.
I still remember the nights when my body wouldn’t let me breathe. I tried to tell you that I was broken, but the words kept getting lodged in my throat. There were nights when you collapsed on the floor in front of me because, secretly, you were just as broken as I was. I remember the mornings when we could not speak to each other. We could only exist together in an uncomfortable silence, hands side-by-side but never touching. This was our destruction.
Then, we exploded. Only this time we didn’t become neutron stars, but instead faded into nothingness.
In the end our love transformed into a black hole.
Here’s the thing about black holes: they are an area in space where a singularity’s gravitational force is so strong that not even light can escape it. Nothing can escape its pull. As hard as I may try I will never be able to deter the love I have for you.
There will always be a piece of my soul embedded in your heart.