Most people I know tell me it’s awesome that I’m a single parent. They can see it builds character. Yeah, my relationship failed with my kid’s father, but that doesn’t make me a manipulative crazy slut who’s incapable of loving and not worthy of another’s love.
We single parents do not need to hear your invalid reasons for judging and shaming us.
So here are a bunch of reasons why some people should learn a bit of empathy rather than open their mouths to make ignorant comments:
1. I was young and stupid.
Actually, no! Yeah, I was young (age 20), but stupid? First, biologically I was at the fittest age to conceive; my body carried and bounced back fantastically. Secondly and more importantly, who are you to tell me that what I did was stupid? My daughter’s father isn’t a douchebag, but even if he was, I don’t see how any of that is your business and why you feel the right to judge my past when you have skeletons in your closet. Besides, if he was a douchebag, the best thing he gave to me in life was my daughter, who has taught me what is important in life, who has helped me grow up, learn responsibility, selflessness, empathy and compassion. Life happens, relationships break down, life is not black and white, so don’t be so quick to tell a person they’re stupid for having a kid at a time/age YOU believe to be inappropriate!
2. I’m a slut.
This one is classic because it slaps in a bit of sexism. I am 22 and have only slept with three guys. One of them was my daughter’s father, whom I was with for six years. Even if I had sexual relations with a dozen people, does that really make me as slutty and dirty as the ignorant commenter who probably goes out clubbing every weekend looking to stick himself into something, while I (the single mother) stay home to enjoy a good movie and a glass of wine while my daughter is sound asleep? Yep…such a slut.
3. There’s a reason I’m single.
You dumped your SO a month ago because they were getting manipulative and abusive. Same here, except because I am the full-time parent it automatically makes it my fault and makes me the crazy one? You think I should stay and show my kids that that is how relationships should be? Dude, you should be happy that I was strong enough to recognize the toxicity and leave. Yeah, there is a reason I’m single—because I won’t settle for second best and I learned from my previous relationship.
4. I’m a golddigger.
While everyone’s financial situation is different, just because someone is a single parent doesn’t automatically mean they use others for money. I’m not the richest person and sometimes I struggle, but at the end of the week my daughter has everything she needs—and that is all I need. Being a golddigger is a reflection on someone’s personality, whether or not they have kids. Most single parents I know are hard-working, diligent, and proud people who would feel ashamed if they felt they needed to rely on their new boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s wallet.
5. I screwed up my life/I’m going nowhere in life.
Being a single parent makes it a bit more of a challenge to focus on education, but it also gives you a perfectly good reason to stick at it. Children are perfect motivators. There is no excuse not to better yourself and live your dreams whether kids are in the picture or not.
6. I have no social life and I’m boring.
While it is harder to find the time to hang out with friends, a couple of times a week I get my “me” time. It doesn’t make me boring; it just means I’m on a different page than you.
7. I’m tainted.
Dating a single parent is not for everyone, and I respect that. However, to think we’re tainted and ruined is a little sad. I’m sure a lot of you would prefer to START a family with someone rather than inherit a family with them. We both have had past relations and we both have aspects of our past that have created the ripples of today; I am a parent and you have been shaped by the experiences of your previous relationships. Your exes have greatly influenced your beliefs, your values, and your behaviors. In those ways, you are also tainted.
You can’t lump all single parents into the same box. If you’ve been affected negatively by a single parent, then I am sorry, but it wasn’t the fact the person was a parent, rather the fact the person in general wasn’t right for you anyway. He or she would have been crazy whether they had kids or not.
Things in life happen and usually these things are out of our control. The best thing to do is to let go of trying to control how you think things should be and to rather take life by the balls and grind through whatever it throws at you. Even if getting pregnant was an “accident,” it wasn’t really. It was life doing what life does best.