Why? Why did you manage to stumble into my life? Why did you choose to make me fall for something I already knew was completely unattainable? You, the one who looks so happy on paper. The one with the beautiful wife, beautiful daughter and sweet baby boy on the way. I saw you and my world froze, my heart fluttered and for a second I felt alive again.
Your smile pulled me in and those great blue eyes put me into such a trance that it was completely impossible to look away. You ignited such a fire in my heart, a burning desire I forgot existed and then managed to burn everything to the ground in a matter of one choice, the choice to throw caution to the wind.
You felt it too, we instantly clicked and we allowed each other in. One conversation turned into plotting how we could see each other, how we could get our hands on one another. And just like that… I walked in, you ran one hand through my hair, pulled my head towards yours and with one extremely passionate kiss I was hooked. It all happened so quickly, without thought and without care. I was knowingly not only hurting an innocent woman but voluntarily putting my heart on a table waiting for it to be torn apart and eaten by a wolf.
I am aware I did this to myself but how could you think that this was okay? I was already damaged goods but now, now I’m going to become irreparable. Our kiss turned into so much more, feelings developed and now I am head over heels in love with a married man.
What am I supposed to do now as I sit here and watch you and your perfect family continue on with life as like nothing has happened and what’s worse is that we have no intention of stopping this. You are my first thought, first hello and last goodnight of each night. You take me higher than I have ever been before and I don’t want this feeling to ever subside.
I know very well that one day I am due for such a heartbreaking let down but I am way too involved to just end this now. I am preparing myself for the worst but ultimately taking what I can get until then. Did you realize what you were doing? Did you even care about the feelings you would harm on this path for her or I, or do you only care about yourself? How true are your feelings for me when you have promised your heart to this woman before God?
You’re going to ruin me, I will not trust another man. There is a huge possibility that because of you I will never get married and have a real chance at having a normal loving family. It is because of you that the hope I once had that a man could be true is gone with the faint breath it rode in with. I will always second guess a man’s true intentions and I will never be okay with being pregnant and trusting a man to stay through it all faithfully.
I thought for a second, a mere moment that maybe I could have that fairytale life everyone is always talking about but you, you made me realize that it’s all just an act.
You let me down more than anyone has ever in my entire life yet when I’m with you I feel the most insane pleasure. I have no intention of letting you go until you make me but I want you to know that once the dust settles and I have picked what’s left of my shattered heart off the floor, I will never be the same woman you met. You mangled me in such a way that I don’t even fully understand the magnitude of the pain yet. But I will. And you’ll be just fine.