This Is How A Heart Breaks

woman facing beige and green concrete building and body of water
Daniel Chekalov / Unsplash

For a heart to break it must first be whole. From the start of conception, the heart is one of the very first organs to develop in the womb. The human heart, however, does much more than pump blood creating that ever so familiar drumming sound. Sometimes that sound is so loud in your ears you can’t hear anything outside of your own body. Sometimes that sound is so quick and so thunderous you think you may not ever hear it again.

One day, I am more than certain you will find yourself with ears pressed to another heart and theirs is the only one you ever want to hear again and this is how a heart breaks. It is the only thing that you ever want to feel. The rise and fall of their chest are all you want to see for the rest of time because you don’t have to wonder anymore what yours might do. That is how a heart breaks. You become so consumed by something you have never felt before and as much as the mind may argue with the heart, the heart always wins. Over and over and over again the stubborn little thing gets it all wrong, a mind of its own filled by the fate of the universe.

People leave and possessions get stolen and opinions change. Thoughts play over in your mind and you wish it would just stop. This is how a heart scratches and becomes cracked. That someone whose heart you decide to prioritize over your own must treat your heart the same way because if they don’t… if you don’t… who will? This is how a heart breaks.

Next thing you know, you’re in the car on the way to work and your cheeks become wet with saltwater and you realize how much pain you feel. See, you never knew it was possible to miss someone so much. This is how a heart breaks.

You will try to pick up the pieces. You’ll get on the most outrageous amusement park rides, you’ll drive over the speed limit, you’ll get way too drunk at a party and walk into strangers homes or climb into strangers cars. Maybe even kiss a few of those strangers. What’s the point in being you ever again? Your heart wasn’t good enough before, why would a broken one be any better? Nothing you’re doing is working. You are heart-less.

Suddenly, you won’t even realize… you’ll be so encompassed with thoughts and so submerged in tears, you won’t feel it. The moment when somebody new scrapes the pieces of your delicate heart off the ground and begins to put the pieces back together. It will take a while. Maybe even a little gorilla glue. Lots and lots of patience. Late night drives, and hand-holding over thighs, pizza and a smoke over some lame comedy show, but it’s not a lame comedy show because someone actually cares and you actually matter. Maybe you will still be numb afterward, but you will learn that you mattered all along. This is how a heart heals. This is when you pray that it may never be broken again. TC mark

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