Ask Me Again Why I’m Scared To Open Up To You

I am the way I am because my past has molded me into a form that I cannot recognize anymore.

I prefer the night because that is when I can take off my mask and not hide away any longer -this is also when I can curl up and scream my long kept woes of silence into the darkness.

You ask but I don’t tell.

But you’ve pushed so you should know

That I am the way I am

Because when I get attached I can’t let go and I have to be pried off and my heart hurts from all the scratching everyone has been doing lately

And those long kept promises are only resonated within the echoes of my mind because they are what they are -empty

So ask me again why I am too scared to get close to anyone

And I will tell you it’s because

My heart is tired of being dragged along for a joyride only to be flung from the very top of the building

Ask me why I shy away

And it’s because I’ve always been too much of a person

Too much of love

Too much of care

Too much of pain

I am too much of a free spirit but the irony is that I am now chained to the shackles of my past and I can’t find the key.

And the last time I trusted someone so much

They fed my dying spirit

My dying hopes

And I was once again alive

I felt free

But tell me how free can you really feel

When you’re made to feel as precious as your parents made you feel

Only to have a crane devour the insides of your hearts palace walls

And now?

Now I’m trying to rebuild it and the concrete is still wet

So ask me again why I’m too afraid to be myself

To love

To trust

And I will tell you

That my heart is still under construction

From all the damage its endured.