I am the way I am because my past has molded me into a form that I cannot recognize anymore.
I prefer the night because that is when I can take off my mask and not hide away any longer -this is also when I can curl up and scream my long kept woes of silence into the darkness.
You ask but I don’t tell.
But you’ve pushed so you should know
That I am the way I am
Because when I get attached I can’t let go and I have to be pried off and my heart hurts from all the scratching everyone has been doing lately
And those long kept promises are only resonated within the echoes of my mind because they are what they are -empty
So ask me again why I am too scared to get close to anyone
And I will tell you it’s because
My heart is tired of being dragged along for a joyride only to be flung from the very top of the building
Ask me why I shy away
And it’s because I’ve always been too much of a person
Too much of love
Too much of care
Too much of pain
I am too much of a free spirit but the irony is that I am now chained to the shackles of my past and I can’t find the key.
And the last time I trusted someone so much
They fed my dying spirit
My dying hopes
And I was once again alive
I felt free
But tell me how free can you really feel
When you’re made to feel as precious as your parents made you feel
Only to have a crane devour the insides of your hearts palace walls
Now I’m trying to rebuild it and the concrete is still wet
So ask me again why I’m too afraid to be myself
And I will tell you
That my heart is still under construction
From all the damage its endured.