You Promised Yourself You Wouldn’t Settle

kidero_ag
kidero_ag

When you can’t seem to find five reasons as to why you’re still together – that’s when you leave.

You think to yourself, “I love him, and that’s enough.” No. It’s not enough.

It’s not enough when the laughter between you is gone and the flame you once had has burnt out. It’s not enough when you used to feel butterflies taking up every inch of your torso when you’d hear his car come up the driveway, but now you dread it because you know all he’s going to do is critique how you didn’t do the dishes – even though the rest of the house is sparkling.

Love is not enough to keep you together when he can fall asleep knowing that you’re heavily hurting. Love is not enough when he hasn’t apologised in over a week for the way he yelled at you and made you question your worth in front of a supermarket. Love is not enough when he doesn’t kiss you and tell you that he loves you before falling asleep, and love is definitely not enough when you don’t actually mind that he didn’t. Heck – this is not love at all.

This is not how someone who unconditionally loved you would treat you. This is not how you would react to someone if you truly loved them. Love is not silently crying watching your tears run down your pillowcase, hoping he doesn’t wake up because you don’t want him to wake up. You don’t want to confide in him anymore.

Love is not waiting until he falls asleep so you can get up to go and sleep on the couch so you don’t have to feel him anymore. Love is not being able to go to sleep angry at one another. We are not in love.

You cannot force yourself to stay with someone just because your family loves him. You cannot force yourself to stay with someone when your heart doesn’t want it anymore. You deserve to be happy, and if he is not making you happy, then for God’s sake, LEAVE. You are better than this.

You promised yourself you would not settle.

You promised yourself that you wouldn’t settle for anything that wasn’t soul-shaking and heart pounding. You said you wanted someone who could warm up your body with just their fingertips grazing yours. You said you wanted to feel love running through your veins the same way that an adrenaline rush would.

You never said you wanted this. TC mark

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