I Hate Everything Right Now

I hate everything right now. If I were Picasso, we’d call this my “blah” period. It’s a time when I feel like absolute moose dung and everything that happens sucks forever. If I could sum up how I feel it would be a video of me going, “Uuuuuuuuugh” for twenty minutes until I passed out in a pile of my own saliva.

I have work I need to do but I don’t want to do it. I have people I need to call and I’d rather chew off a limb and swim through a pool of molasses than call anyone. I just want to collapse on my bed and not move for the next twelve years until it’s cooler outside and until somebody loves me.

I want everyone to leave me alone and I also want someone to come snuggle me and rub my back. Or I don’t want that. I want you to go away and stop talking and I want a hug and I want ice cream sundaes and I never want to eat again.

What causes these feelings? Why can you go from one day frolicking around in the sunshine with fuzzy rabbits and blue birds for friends and the next you’re living in a dark tower and your soul looks like Sauron and the slightest “cheep” from an avian friend makes you want to strangle a bald eagle? Of course nothing actually sucks. Maybe you don’t get a job you wanted or you don’t hear back from that cute person you met. Maybe all this stems from disappointment.

Like Yoda once said, “Disappointment leads to expectations and expectations lead to hate and hate leads to suffering.” Or something like that. When your expectations are high and then they’re not met, that’s when the seeds of hating the world are planted. They start to grow in your stomach and pretty soon the numbness or queasiness grabs your throat and you’re suffocated by all encompassing hate.

The most minor tasks become annoying. Your boss asks you to do something that any other day you’d find simple, if a bit stupid, but suddenly, their request is like asking you to be Michael Vick’s publicist. A daunting, horrible burden. Your legs don’t want to walk anywhere. Your brain doesn’t want to engage. Suddenly, this job isn’t a necessary evil. Suddenly, you haaaaaate it.

Or what about your love life? “It’s cool. S/he’s probably just busy right now” turns into you singing Beyonce’s “Irreplacable” and imagining the different ways you could set them on fire without getting caught. They can’t meet up tonight? THEY PROBABLY HATE YOU. GOD WHY DO ALL PEOPLE SUCK? I JUST WANT TO BURY MYSELF IN CATS AND NEVER SPEAK TO HUMANS AGAIN.

It’s hard to be motivated when you hate everything. You just want to leave yourself, but you don’t know how. Anything you’d normally like, you now hate. Anything that would normally make you feel better, now makes you feel worse. Plus, you can’t hang out with friends because you’re distracted and wouldn’t be much fun anyway. It’s a deep rut and you’re too lazy to even pull yourself out of it.

It’s irrational and it’s a bummer, but hopefully it’s just a passing mood. Life isn’t really so bad. There’s plenty to be thankful for. It’s just easy to forget all that and start to wallow. And when the wallowing is triggered, it’s easy to slip even further down the rabbit hole of despair.

But for the moment, let’s indulge. I hate everything right now. It all sucks, right? TC Mark

image – Library of Congress

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  • Tk

    I feel like you stalked me extensively to write this.

    • Jazz

      I wholeheartedly second this.

    • http://www.facebook.com/CoxyGirl Leah Cox

      Ditto.

      • Stephanie Ngo

        Here here

    • Emily

      Yup

      • http://twitter.com/JustGeeee Geleen Faye Gallego (@JustGeeee)

        another one here….

  • Michael Koh

    Here. Hold my hand. Nothing and everything goes right.

  • Sami

    May this be your anthem… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y626eTivs60

    You are welcome.

  • Bibble Bobble

    “THAN” call anyone. Not “then”. Who edits this?!?

    • Chelsea

      LOL, read the sentence again. “Than” is the correct form. She’s saying she would rather swim through molasses THAN call anyone, not “I would rather swim through molasses, and THEN call anyone,” because that doesn’t even make sense. Good try though…

      • Lexi

        You go Chelsea!!

      • Bibble Bobble

        Note that this was one of the first comments. It’s been changed by an editor from THEN to THAN. I was pointing out that THEN was wrong and THAN should be there instead. Nice try though.

      • Bibble Bobble

        How could you even mistake that?! I even put NOT “then”. Same goes for you Lexi. I’m embarrassed for both of you.

      • Lexi

        I’m confused, obviously.

      • http://Rumblestripq.blogspot.com Doug Hart

        Bibbles bobble but they are very attuned to grammer.

      • Bibble Bobble

        Oh Doug, you joker you!

      • Bibble Bobble

        Evidently. If you read my original comment, you can see I clearly put “not then”. Why would I say NOT “then” if I was saying it should be changed to “then”? It originally read “then” and was changed, after my comment, to “than”. Obviously, Chelsea’s reading skills aren’t great.

  • http://Rumblestripq.blogspot.com Doug Hart

    You and me both sister. Hey Bibble! Bobble this why doncha!

    • http://Rumblestripq.blogspot.com Doug Hart

      Y ya

    • Bibble Bobble

      I sure will beb.

      • http://Rumblestripq.blogspot.com Doug Hart

        HAHAHAHAHAhAh
        I like your style bubba

  • YonkersNC

    This has been my summer after coming back from studying abroad in Spain. School starts in less than a week, I really hope it passes but like you said, let’s indulge so I’m extra-hating the world but that takes up too much energy, so it’s a passive-aggressive indulgence. It’s comforting to know though, that there are others like me. Thanks :)

    • jon

      I agree. Sometimes I feel like i’m the only person this happens to because everyone else is always so happy-go-fucking-lucky. Good to know we’re not alone.

      • Lexi

        Everyone else is so happy-go-fucking lucky? Are kidding me? Did you ever stop to think that these people could be dealing with shit as bad as yours and that they are just pushing through and faking it? Did you ever think that they do not want to broadcast their unhappiness to whole world, that they don’t want to be seen as sad sacks, that they choose not to burden others with their problems? I do it every day. And believe me I am far from happy-go-fucking lucky. Don’t judge a book by its cover. The inside could really suck.

  • http://www.facebook.com/DuranDunkle01 Duran Dunkle

    Wow, this is how I feel most of the time. Anybody that says “cheer up” “life aint so bad” don’t make me feel any better.

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/08/i-hate-everything-right-now/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment These questions have been submitted to me from friends over the past year — questions that they were afraid to ask any other person in the LGBTQ spectrum until I came along. My name is Alison, I am a queer woman living in Denver, and I want you to ask me the questions you’ve always been afraid to ask! […]

  • KGG

    Sucks for you. I’ve never felt better in my life. My confidence and ego are through the roof and it’s as if my brain is a constant outpouring of pure sunshine. Wheeeeee!

    • Cash

      Are you real?

      • KGG

        I am real.

      • Cash

        I see. Well, your ego being through the roof is self evident. What an unhelpful and unproductive comment to make on an article with this content.

      • KGG

        I am the best person to ever exist

      • Cash

        Get back under your bridge.

  • http://www.facebook.com/summer.gillen Summer Gillen

    Me. Too. Perfectly fits into my day right now. Funny how that woks.

  • http://downszdiva.wordpress.com downszdiva

    Yes!!!! Bury me in cats and hide me away from humanity too.

  • Amy

    This is hilarious. I have definitely felt like this before. Haha, bravo.

  • Lexi

    Its called a bad day. If it goes on for more then a few weeks its called “You need to see a doctor”

    • http://baileypowell.com Bailey Powell

      My thoughts exactly. I think swings are normal in your confusing 20s, but yeah if this is actually altering your ability to work and properly socialize call a doctor. (Not being a smartass.)

    • Bon

      Actually, this is just life for some people. As you can see from the comments.

      • Lexi

        It shouldn’t be. For quite some time now that was my life as well, I realized that it was not normal, went to see my doctor and was diagnosed with clinical depression which can be treated with medication and/or talk therapy. It has changed my life. It makes me very sad to think that someone would just choose to be unhappy and not be pro-active in trying to do something about it.

      • Bon

        I’m not sure that this is clinical depression, nor any of the commenters. It sounds like maybe yours is an extreme example. Also, some people don’t know what would make them happy so they can’t really do much about it.

      • Lexi

        You have no idea if its clinical depression and neither do I. My point here is if you feel this way for a long time, even if its because you don’t know what makes you happy, It’s time to start looking for it. See a doctor, take a yoga class, go to therapy, volunteer at a fucking soup kitchen if you want. But saying, well, some people are just going to be unhappy forever is insane. If you are unhappy FOREVER, then that is what you have CHOSEN to do.

      • Bon

        Some people are going to be unhappy forever. Not everybody gets a happy ending, it’s not the movies. And I didn’t say they/we haven’t chosen it, sometimes it’s just easier to accept it than fight it. You can look forever and still not find happiness, then all you’ve done is made yourself even unhappier by acknowledging that you can’t find anything to make you happy. And I didn’t say “this definitely isn’t clinical depression” I said, “I’m not sure that this is clinical depression.” I’m glad you did something about your unhappiness, but it sounds like perhaps it was a lot more serious than just a general cynicism and weariness with the state of the world and the people in it. C’est la vie!

      • Lexi

        You know, you’re right. When I read “Some people are going to be unhappy forever” Someone, I know/knew who was about as close to me as a person can be (do not know why she didn’t come to mind earlier, I guess I just don’t like to think about it), was never happy a day in her whole entire life. She died 3 years ago this June at the age of 67 of an “accidental” overdose. And I haven’t exactly “found happiness” but I haven’t stop trying to find it. I guess I do get disappointed when I think maybe I have found it, and it turns out that I didn’t. But I do have good days. I have good memories and I have a good life. And even if it continues to disappoint, I will never stop looking for what it is I’m looking for. But that’s just me.

      • Bon

        That might be the first time anyone in the history of the interest has told another commenter that they’re right! Im very sorry to hear about your friend/family member who died. She seems to be an example of the kind of person I was thinking of when I said “some people are going to be unhappy forever” because I was thinking of two similar people myself. I can relate when you say she was never happy a day in her life. I feel that you’re on the right track in searching for your personal happiness and the world would probably be a better place if more people did but I guess some people simply can’t bring themselves to try for fear that they might never succeed. I wish you all the best Lexi, you’re much stronger than most!

      • Lexi

        Thank you Bon. Good luck to you too.

  • Peter

    This is pure brilliance.

  • http://afool.wordpress.com daianara

    Probably the greatest article I’ve read all year. I am that person you’re describing there. Sadly?

  • CM

    HAHAHAHA. This is how most girls feel on PMS.

    • Lexi

      That was the very first thing that came to mind. But you know how much we hate it when guys assume that’s whats wrong with us. We could lose our job, run over a bunny, get jumped on the way home and a guy would say, “It’s not that bad honey, its probably just that time of month” So I made sure to steer clear of that. For shame CM!! : )

  • http://www.todayihateyou.com/2012/08/15/everything-right-now/ Everything Right Now | today.i.hate.you

    […] Check out this great article on Thought Catalog titled: I Hate Everything Right Now  By SARI MOON. […]

  • http://lifeofajengkelkid.wordpress.com Nicole

    Reblogged this on Indigo.

  • http://traveler6791.wordpress.com KelseySaysHi

    This is great, feel this way for at least 5 minutes a day. Nothing ever goes the way you want it to!!! UGGHHHHHHH

  • http://adventuresinanxiety.wordpress.com Shannon

    Everything sucks SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

  • L

    THIS IS WONDERFUL. Sharing with my boyfriend so he can simultaenously rub my scalp and feel not alone because YOU FEEL THE SAME THING I DO.

  • http://gravatar.com/supaar Supriya Joshi

    This article basically sums up my life.

  • M

    First of all I felt like this the last 2 days. Woke up today and was like ‘welp! good thing that’s over, now let’s do this thing’ and when on about my business in a normal sense. Strange how these waves can crash over us, good to remember they often pass with just a little bit of swimming. Also,I had to look up the Yoda quote (your version or the actual is great either way!) and it is:
    Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
    -YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

  • breichorn

    Reblogged this on Something and commented:
    This happens to accurately sum up how I FEEL almost every day. I’m a mess of mood swings and confusion and indecisiveness. I wish I could apologize to everyone affected by it and just cut the crap, but I’m in a rut and I’m in a cycle of bad habits and misery that I will take out on everyone else. That’s why it’s not fair. No one deserves it. I guess misery just loves company, but logic is trying to find the wrong way to save everyone else.

  • sk

    THIS IS MY EXACT MOOD TODAY. Right down to the part of being let down by someone cute, and wanting to busy myself in cats. This article was a tiny sliver of sun in a shit-cloud of a day.

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