What You Say In Job Interviews Vs. What You Think In Job Interviews

What you say: “I’m a good candidate for this position because I’m a hard worker, I’m persistent, and I’m a problem solver. While I don’t have direct experience doing this specific job, I feel my experience in [job completely unrelated to position for which you are applying] will be the perfect stepping stone into this position.”

What you think: “This is so embarrassing. Don’t make me do this. Are you really asking me this question? I’m not even close to qualified for this job and we both know it, so I’ll go ahead and make something up about how my previous experience has somehow prepared me for this position. This is embarrassing. There — you’ve humiliated me. Are you happy?”

What you say: “I’m an excellent team player.”

What you think: “Damn, I thought this position was fairly autonomous. I am completely lying to you right now. I can actually tell that within a few months I’ll be totally alienated from you and the rest of my coworkers. Truthfully, I don’t want to have anything to do with this company outside of my working hours. I freaking dread work, you think I’m going to be a good team player? I like my friends and Seinfeld. Stay away.”

What you say: “One professional experience in which I ‘overcame adversity’? Well…”

What you think: “Oh, god. This question? Is the purpose of this meeting to interview me for a job or to interview me for how good I am at storytelling? I thought these kinds of questions were killed by HR staff as early as the ’90s? Ok, well, I’ll make something up that makes me out to be the hero who solved an intense crises against all odds, I can do that. Thanks for the opportunity to talk about myself, I guess.”

What you say: “What’s the culture like in the office here?”

What you think: “Are you all total douchebags or douchebags trying to mask their douchebaggery with a Nintendo Wii and issues of Vice spread out in the coffee table in the lobby? Am I going to be inundated with complex/ embarrassing office jargon if I start working here? Is there a chance I will like some of my coworkers? I want to like my coworkers. Can I come to work hungover?

What you say: “Do you have many other job applicants? Do you know when I can expect a call back?”

What you think: “You didn’t hire me on the spot, so that means I’m screwed, right?” TC mark

image – bpsusf

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

    I have two interviews tomorrow and will report back as to how true this article rings.  

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      did you apply to geico too? i thought i saw you on line

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      The only interviews I’ve been offered have been for a “Bankers Agent,” a position that I never even applied to.  I’m biology a major; I barely know what money is.

      • Dan

        Keep practising that English though, man, you’ll get there.

      • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

        You’ve got a comma splice.

      • Jordan

         I can tell you are trying to be a smart ass but I don’t get it.

  • http://thefirstchurchofmutterhals.blogspot.com/ mutterhals

    When they ask my weaknesses I always have to stop myself from saying, “I care too much.”

    • a.

      I usually say something like ‘Calculus. Math was never my strong suit. Of course, that’s why I’m applying for this Communications position…”

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      “I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job…Well, my weaknesses are actually…strengths.”

  • Anonymous

    And this is why recent college grads aren’t getting jobs. Quit fucking lying. Just be honest, they can tell.

    • Sam

      GOD I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON. Everyone can stop blaming the job market now, k?

      • Anonymous

        Dude, if you spew some bullshit at the people interviewing you, they’re not going to hire you. “My biggest character flaw? Oh, well I just care too much!” That doesn’t fly. Be yourself and you’ll get a good job.

    • RG

      Yeah, I miss the old days when everybody told the complete truth in interviews, people waited until marriage and things were cheaper….

      • Anonymous

        Seems to have worked for me.

    • Asdf

      No shit, right?!

      I’m so candid and honest. I usually start off with, “Look. Let’s be frank. I’m going to hate you and you’re going to hate me. I’m going to fuck up and you’re going to be angry. Tell you what, let’s just end this cleanly: give me my two weeks notice now and the check, and you’ll never have to deal with me again. Pre-emptive crisis management. You’ll be given a gold star in managerial skills.”

      You’d be amazed by how effective this can be. Try it sometime, FWTEAGLES. You’ll be obscenely rich.

      • Anonymous

        LOL, I am rich. Was honest in my interviews, got the jobs and the promotions — look at me now!

      • Reallydude2k11

        I find it hard to believe that someone who reads Thought Catalog and then bickers in the comments sections can be well off. Just stop it.

      • boop

        Actually that seems exactly like what a rich person would do…

    • Heather Inc

      This comment reminds me of an Onion article — “Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews”
      http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-unemployment-high-because-people-keep-blowi,17803/
       

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    Nothing feels worse than walking out of an interview and kicking yourself for not having to have overcome more adversity in your lifetime. That question should be banned.

  • http://twitter.com/spencercniemetz Spencer Niemetz

    I’ve been asked “If you could be any animal in the whole wide world, what would it be?” verbatim. Believe me, stupid didn’t begin to cover how I felt.

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