I’m 21 And I’ve Never Been In Love, So What?

Flickr/Nathan Congleton
Flickr/Nathan Congleton

It’s okay. It doesn’t matter if you’re 16 or 60, if you’ve never been in love, you’ve never been in love. In today’s society people seem to be keener on settling, in fears of never finding “the one”. This is not only a horrible decision, but it wastes precious time.

I’m 21, in college, and have never been in love. Sure, the argument can be made, “You’re 21, you have your whole life!” But I’m so sick of hearing that. I’m in a conflicting area in life, I’m young and independent focused on a lifelong goal, and I’m in a world where all of my childhood friends are married and having kids.

While my family members would love to see me get hitched, I’m still a virgin to love. Sure, I’ve dated guys, but I’ve never loved them. I’ve never had that gut wrenching feeling of, “He’s the one.” I’m also a person who doesn’t like to wait. It could be described as impatient, but I have a lot going for me, and I don’t want to wait for someone else to catch up to my level.

With this, I’ve felt a lot of pressure to find love. Being my age and not even having a first love, I am far behind my peers. I walk down the dining halls on campus, or wait for class to start, and I hear about everyone’s romantic outings. The wild party they went to on Saturday, the hot one night stand they turned into a relationship, or the high school romance that turned into a spouse for the romantics. I can never get away from it.

No, I’m far from bitter, as a matter of fact, I cry when I see my friends get cute gifts from their boyfriends; but I still wonder when my time will come. This thought is why I decided to write this post. I wanted to address this, in hopes other girls felt the same way I have.

Here’s something I’ve learned over the years, don’t waste your time. I watch so many people stay in relationships they hate, while I can’t keep a boyfriend past a month (Nope, I’m not quoting Taylor Swift, even though it seems to be my life). I used to think that I was the problem, but then I told myself, “If I were the problem, then everyone would leave or annoy me, but I still have my friends.” Love shouldn’t be a constant question of, “Do I love him/her?”

Wasting time with someone you aren’t sure about isn’t good on either part. While you’re questioning your intentions, the other half might really be in love with you. Do yourself a favor and figure it out before a few months turn into a few years and kids later. Just because you spend a lot of time with someone doesn’t mean you are “in love” with them. Love comes in all shapes and forms, but finding a soul mate should be amazing and a definite, not a question.

I don’t feel bad or regret saying that I’ve never been in love, but what bothers me is the response when I say it. I get some positive feedback from this. For example; “You’re focused on yourself. Do you girl! Love will find YOU.” Or “You don’t need to worry about finding a guy right now, you’re too young.” But sadly I’m more times greeted with horrible feedback. Some call me a “snob” because I have standards, or they say I’m a feminist, (Which, regardless of anyone’s stance on gender equality, that has nothing to do with falling in love).

I think the best one was when I turned a guy away for a date because I had finals coming up, and his response, “You need to lower your standards.” It made me laugh, but then it really pissed me off. Who has the right to tell ME when or how to love? Or anything about my standards? Just because a girl hasn’t been in love, or refuses to date at a pivotal time in her life, doesn’t mean anything bad. It just means she’s focused on herself, and not enough girls do that anymore.

So in conclusion, if you’re young and desperate for love, don’t go looking for it. Fall in love with yourself. Find your calling. Go to school. Whatever it takes to make you feel worthy and confident of not being in a loving relationship, something that society makes you feel you need. Don’t let ANYONE tell you or call you names because you decide you’re not in love. Love is different for everyone. Some have it like the movies, some have it like an opera, and some take years to find it. If you’re the one who takes years to find it, keep your head up. Because when love finds you, it will be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever experienced. TC mark

For more raw, powerful writing follow Heart Catalog here.

Related

More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus