1. The Louis Vuitton Parent
Is this a dog or a hamster in my purse? You’ll never know
I wore spiked stilettos do the dog park and am shocked and disgusted when I step in poo
I will carry my dog around the entire time, too scared to put him down
Other dogs jump up on me, trying to get to the “gerbil” in my hands
I stay 4 and a half minutes then leave
2. The Overly Concerned Parent
I follow my dog around the entire time, I never sit down
I scream, “STOOOOPPPPPPP! OMG STOP! SOMEOME HELP ME!!” when another dog mounts my dog.
I think every time another dog jumps in the air, sniffs a butt, blinks — he is actually about to maul my sweet lou lou.
3. The Underly Concerned Parent
Ahhh, let em play!
Ahhh, let em work it out!
Ohhhh no big deal, they’re just getting to know each other
Ohhh who cares, just a little doggie style never hurt anyone!
Ahhh, whatever man! They sure are cute when they bite each other’s faces off!
4. The Vet
I like to pick up my dog’s poo and inspect it for any foreign objects
I like to watch other dogs that aren’t my own, monitor their behavior, diagnose all of their problems, then find their owner and tell them all of my findings.
I know everything, about every dog disease ever. And it has happened to my dogs 8 times, each.
I own 13 dogs.
I’m not a vet, I’m a Market Research Analyst, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
5. The Bring Their Own Toy Parent
I bring my own toy to the dog park then act hostile with the other dog that stole my dog’s toy
I confront the owner of the dog who stole my dog’s toy
I have the only dog in the place that can’t learn how to play fetch, but I won’t give up. One day he’ll learn.
I bring the ball hurler mechanism with me because I’m too big of a wimp to just throw the ball myself.
6. The Every Three- Second Water Re-filler
Oh, you guys must be thirsty!
I brought my own Evian water, just for my dog, no other dogs may contaminate my dog’s water bowl with their filth.
Are the 19 bowls I filled already enough, should I fill more water? It is hot out here, y’all need water.
7. The It’s Clear You’re New Here Parent
Can I play with your dog?
Can I pet your dog?
*Sits on ground, probably a spot that’s been peed on 100 times, rolls around with dogs*
Ohhhh what kind of dog is this?? Aww he is so cute!
And what kind of dog do you have? What’s her name? What is her country of origin? Do you have her birth certificate on you? I’d like to look at it! Can I pet her? Can I own her? Can I skin her and wear her as a hat?
8. The Pick Your Poop Up or I Swear to God I’ll Stare You Down and Gossip About You Crazy Parent
Your dog just pooped
Excuse me, did you see your dog pooped over there?
*Whispers (but not really screams)* to the lady next to her, “See her over there, her dog pooped and she DIDN’T pick it up.”
9. The Cell Phone Parent
Please don’t talk to me
I’m just here to Pinterest and tire out the dogs
Can’t you see I’m busy?
Ohhh, wine! Yeah, I’ll take a glass of wine.
Text, text, text, text, pin, pin, instagram, facebook, tweet, tweet, tweet
Get down Scout. Be quiet Scout, stop barking.