Thought Catalog

Stop Making Excuses To Hold Onto A Relationship That’s Already Dead

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Unsplash / Lesly B. Juarez

You’ve heard it before and you will hear it again.

You deserve to be loved with the same amount of passion, tenderness, and vulnerability as you would give to another.

You deserve the love that you would bestow upon someone else.

If you aren’t receiving that love, and if you feel like your relationship or “situation” is one sided, it’s time to re-evaluate things.

From my own experience and the experience of many others that I have come across, I can safely say with confidence that this happens to all of us.

It is nothing to be ashamed of, although sometimes we feel embarrassed to admit that we might have stronger feelings than the person we are involved with has for us.

It makes us feel inadequate, and it hurts. But sometimes, what hurts even more, is the prospect of leaving the other person.

Why?

Because we are addicted to seeing the potential in them and to the future that we can see so vividly in our minds, in which they would open their eyes, step up to the plate and realize that we are the one for them.

But it’s time to re evaluate your situation.

The potential you see in that person is not reality.

The simple truth is, no matter how much potential we see in someone, no matter how many “hints” or “signs” they throw our way that they can be what we hope they can be, the picture we are putting together in our mind of how great things could be is just a thought.

It may seem like so much more, but if you look closely, it is just a thought. A fantasy. A picture of what we want to see.

We confuse ourselves, and we intwine the fantasy into our realities, causing a distorted view of what is really going on.

Real life is showing you over and over again the reality of the situation. Real life is not lying to you, the truth is right in front of you, as clear as day.

More than likely, they know they have the upper hand.

We have all been in situations before where someone liked us a bit more than we liked them. It may not be equivalent to the situation that you find yourself in now, but still, you know what it is like to have the upper hand.

The attention was nice, wasn’t it? And maybe a part of you thought you might be able to like the person, perhaps you convinced yourself for a while that you indeed did have feelings for them, only to discover those feelings faded very quickly.

I am not implying that your current situation is this one reversed, but I am asking you to put yourself in the position of having the upper hand. You knew you had the upper hand, whether you voiced it or not.

Similarly, in a case of one-sided romance, the significant other often knows when the person they are involved with is more attached than they are. Are you comfortable with being in that position?

It is leading nowhere, but you refuse to admit that just yet.

If you had a friend that wasn’t treating you right, that wasn’t acting in the way a true friend was, would you not distance yourself or walk away completely? After all, what is the use of having a friend who doesn’t bring actual friendship into your life?

It’s the same with a relationship. But often, we fail to be so objective because relationships involve so much more emotion.

We become very attached, more so than we do with friendships. But the moral of the story is still the same. A relationship or a romantic connection should bring you happiness, growth, intimacy, openness, and the ability to be vulnerable.

It is about two people who enjoy each other and have chemistry to move forward and grow in each others company.

If one of the two has stopped growing, and has perceivably come to a standstill, why would the other person decide to continue the relationship? Especially when it has been proven that the other person doesn’t seem to understand or want to change?

It is because we have formed an attachment to the other person. We are blinded by our emotions. It’s easy for our friends to say, “Leave them! They are no good for you” or, “You can do so much better.”

It’s because they are able to look at it much more objectively than you are able to as long as your emotions are tied into the relationship.

In order to receive the love that you desire, you need to face the facts.

It’s hard, no one said it would be easy. But if you want to give yourself the chance to find a love as beautiful as you imagine love can be, then you have to let go of the fantasy you are holding onto now. You have to let go of the attachment to the other persons potential to change and to love you the way you love them.

You have so much love to give, and I know that deep down, you know that you deserve someone who will return that love to you.

It is so hard to imagine that someone else is out there for you when your emotions are currently tied up in someone else. But none of us can see the future, if we could, it would be a lot easier to let go of people and situations that don’t serve us.

Life sometimes requires you to love yourself enough to take a leap of faith in the right direction.

Your quality of life and self-worth will increase significantly if you choose to honor yourself instead of holding onto a fantasy.

We all talk about wanting to love ourselves more, right? We strive for self-improvement and we want to be able to become a master of our lives and our emotions. Well, guess what, here is where we can start.

Do you know how much stronger you will become when you start to make decisions based on what you truly want? You may think that what you truly want it this person, but in reality, what you truly want is to receive a love as strong as the love that you can give.

You have projected that fantasy onto the person you are currently with, but it is not them that you really want, it’s reciprocated love. Later you will be able to see that, perhaps not right now.

Your self-worth, your inner guidance, and your ability to make decisions in life to work to your highest advantage will be significantly heightened.

You will thank yourself later, and you will learn not to accept any type of behavior that doesn’t resonate with you. And one day, you will come across someone who will be able to love you the way that you love them.

Ironically, true love is not hard. It is not forced, it is not what you are feeling right now.

Life is all about learning, learn to walk away in order to create a better life for yourself.

We’ve all been there, all of us, trust me. You are not alone in this, but it’s time to start loving and respecting yourself more than you are doing at this present moment. TC mark 

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