I remember the last time I stood in front of you and physically felt love flowing from my heart. Instead of walking away after that, I thought it could be fixed. How could I live without the very person who shaped me into who I am today? I deprived myself from every ounce of self love to try and love you again, but it still had no effect. Nothing could make those feelings of being in love with you come back. Our love had run dry; it had run its course.
After all, you were it. You were my first love, the one who showed me what it meant to feel safe. The one who treated me like a princess and gave me everything I had thought I wanted. I grew up with you beside me and you shaped me into the person I became.
My life was not my life, it was our life. Through our years we had the numerous break ups and make ups, celebrated Valentine’s Day like it was going out of style and reminded each other every 5 seconds that we loved each other. How could I be the one to end this fairy tale we created for years?
As we grew older and stepped into adulthood, the life we made together was no longer anything that served my future. Even though I knew in my heart for a while it was over, letting someone go who has become a part of your world is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life. When I finally did let you go it was so hard, like taking a piece of me, my body and my soul and cutting it off.
I felt like a part of me had died inside, I cried for nights and labeled myself as a failure that broke somebody’s heart. You stood there staring at me and all I could think of was how sad I was to be losing my best friend.
To this day my high school sweetheart has to be the best man I have ever met in my life. He set the bar so high, no man has yet to even compare. That’s the thing about young love; it is so damn beautiful. It is the most genuine and raw. Most people claim when you are growing up you can’t really be “in love”, after all you’re just a kid and what do you know.
Looking back, what I did know and do now know is the people who say your first love is your best love, are right. The one you will never forget. I will forever be grateful for him. It was the hardest thing of my life to say goodbye, but to be blessed with the love we once shared is more than I could ever ask for.