I have always controlled my heart, but that cannot be claimed to be true anymore. Fate has relinquished my power to someone else. Society synonymously relates falling in love to butterflies, magic, and fairy godmothers. I may feel all those things, but really I am scared.
Not of the possibilities of what could go wrong, but imagining we could go right. With love inescapably comes pain.
By keeping my heart where no one could reach it, I thought I was preventing the possibility of someone smashing it to pieces. Falling in love ceases to sustain control, instead feeding you to the lions to prey on your feelings. My heart has not been in my possession for a while, but I never meant to give it away.
I knew I loved you when surrounding myself with you transformed me into the person I always aspired to be. I knew I loved you when I was willing to take the risk of a lifetime for us to be together. I knew when I allowed myself to be vulnerable enough where you had the opportunity to hurt me. I knew when I loved the characteristics that made us different, more than the ones that made us similar. How you have not only become my boyfriend, but a best friend. I knew because instead of thinking about myself, I think of you.
It is a remarkable feeling to just know. That does not make confessing those three words any easier.
As my best friend told me “Sarah you gotta grab life by the balls. Never miss out on an opportunity to tell someone you love them. You cannot live a life of what ifs and you never know, they may feel the same way about you.”
Before you I never took risks, and now that seems to be all I am capable of doing. You taught me that living without risks is not actually living, therefore there is only one way to end:
I love you for who you are, who you can be, and who you make me.
Now, feed me to the lions.