1. MTV: Young people making poor life choices
2. Food Network: Meals you could actually make yourself if you weren’t so busy watching cooking shows
3. TLC: Because some days using your brain just isn’t on the agenda
4. Fox News: The largest game of telephone gone horribly wrong
5. Animal Planet: We can’t all have human friends.
6. History channel: Hitler, Swamp People, and other things that have absolutely nothing in common
7. vh1: Where Smut meets Soullessness
8. truTV: Suddenly your crappy life doesn’t look all that bad
9. HGTV: Projects you could actually do yourself if you weren’t so busy watching HGTV
10. Cartoon Network: For Kids and Stoned Adults only
11. USA: America’s #1 rated cable network because sometimes life makes no sense
12. Lifetime: She felt all of the things
13. E!: Watch celebrities who are famous for absolutely nothing do absolutely nothing
14. HBO: GOT is now all we GOT
15. Cinemax: It’s not T.V. It’s porn
16. Syfy: What the world would look like if you dropped acid 24/7
17. OWN: YOU get a terrible show and YOU get a terrible show!
18. Bravo: What the hell happened here?
19. Netflix: None of that crap y’all pay for can hold a candle to what we give you FO FREE!
20. Nick at Nite: Yes, you really are that old