20 TV Channels And What Their Taglines Should *Actually* Be

Fox News
Fox News

1. MTV: Young people making poor life choices

2. Food Network: Meals you could actually make yourself if you weren’t so busy watching cooking shows

3. TLC: Because some days using your brain just isn’t on the agenda

4. Fox News: The largest game of telephone gone horribly wrong

5. Animal Planet: We can’t all have human friends.

6. History channel: Hitler, Swamp People, and other things that have absolutely nothing in common

7. vh1: Where Smut meets Soullessness

8. truTV: Suddenly your crappy life doesn’t look all that bad

9. HGTV: Projects you could actually do yourself if you weren’t so busy watching HGTV

10. Cartoon Network: For Kids and Stoned Adults only

11. USA: America’s #1 rated cable network because sometimes life makes no sense

12. Lifetime: She felt all of the things

13. E!: Watch celebrities who are famous for absolutely nothing do absolutely nothing

14. HBO: GOT is now all we GOT

15. Cinemax: It’s not T.V. It’s porn

16. Syfy: What the world would look like if you dropped acid 24/7

17. OWN: YOU get a terrible show and YOU get a terrible show!

18. Bravo: What the hell happened here?

19. Netflix: None of that crap y’all pay for can hold a candle to what we give you FO FREE!

20. Nick at Nite: Yes, you really are that old Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Sarah is a writer, performer, and professional dater living in Manhattan. You can find her unique brand of comedy & “Sexpertise” on TopRomp.com.

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