1. Whatever you do, don’t EVER bring your husband to Ladies Night.
2. A Park Avenue townhouse doesn’t buy you class.
3. Don’t be fooled; a harmless weekend trip with the girls can easily turn into the worst weekend of your adult life.
4. Anything longer than a weekend, and you’re sure to deal with screaming matches, character assassinations and mental breakdowns. The more lavish and exotic the trip, the more drama-filled and disastrous it will be!
5. When in doubt, pour some Pinot.
6. It is inevitable that at some point your BFF will suddenly become your archenemy (usually following an epic fight over some minor technicality.) If the relationship was a solid one to begin with, then fear not! The friendship will soon be repaired and stronger than ever! And if it wasn’t–You in danger girl.
7. Even though your marriage may seem infallible, you must at least be prepared if and when it starts to go south. Always have an exit strategy and a back-up plan.
8. Making a music video definitely won’t buy you class.
9. If you ever get angry and end up throwing a glass at someone’s face, just blame it on your messed up childhood!
10. Hell hath no fury like a scorned ex-wife.
11. Within a female group, she who has been around the longest is typically the most insane. However, Female Code of Conduct states that you are obliged to keep her around even if her actions are asinine and her comments offensive. This is partly out of respect, but mostly just for the laughs.
12. No matter how down and out you may be, there’s always a way to dig yourself out and start over.
13. If you spread gossip, beware that it will always come back to haunt you–Especially if you’re being filmed for a major reality show.
14. You can’t argue with crazy.
15. Money can’t buy you class. But it sure as hell can buy you a closet full of Hermès!