It took me a long time to realize… no one cares.
No one cares anymore if I’m a size 0, a small, a medium, a large or an extra large.
No one cares if I wear the newest trends, can go to spin class before I work a full day, hike a mountain with just a smoothie in my belly and fit into the lulu’s I wore in my twenties…They don’t judge me by my pant size and by the amount of exercise I do or food I intake or the amount of control I can have over either of these things.
No one cares. In fact, they all relax when I don’t care either.
We are so worried about impressing each other—and we are also so fixated on the task to make (and keep) our bodies perfect. But good humans don’t cast judgment on those things or their fellow earth family and tribe. Lovely relationships foster the spirit within and the juicy, voluptuous self we are, innately, on the inside.
It matters little to others how we look (except to the ones it does and those folks aren’t worth our sweet attention). Yet we spend so much time and money trying to present in a very certain way—one that lines the pockets of rich corporations contributes to compulsion and addiction of all kinds and brings to the surface each other’s feelings of insecurity. This is not a comment meant to gaslight anyone who is intent on looking perfect or to say, “shine your light less bright because you intimidate.” This is a note to emphasize that it is okay to be in authenticity, yours and each other’s, and comfortable in your own, organic body.
We have much more success in work, friendships, love, sex, spirituality and abundance when we open and relax. When we soften. When we engage. If we show up as we are and offer the best of what that can be, people respond positively. As we give generously of our true self, we increase our feeling of self-esteem. When we obsess over our appearances and manipulate our bodies, or alter them mechanically, our self-confidence does not usually increase, it often falters.
Studying feminist theory taught me that at the root of “fixing ourselves” is the subtle violence of self-hate.
We don’t have much to give (to ourselves or each other) when we are distracted by the things that don’t matter. Of course, we are not trying to shame people for wanting to look good; we are rather wanting to celebrate that our self, as is, can be our most attractive feature.
As a community, as women, as men, as trans, bi, poly, gay, lesbian and queer society, if we decide to not buy into the compulsion of “fixing ourselves” what energy might we have for the really important things… like peace, joy, activism, innovation, conservation, and kick-ass creation… like passion-filled work, unconditional love and acceptance and safety for all.
Now let’s take that time we put to worrying about keeping our bodies, skin, hair, emotions and clothes in-check, into non-violent, self-loving acts instead (the initial conditioning of making our appearance the primary importance was done to us through our capitalist societies desire to increase consumerism and profit).
With all this extra time while we are not “making our body better”, what will we do? We will enjoy instead what we organically own; our brilliant minds, souls, hearts and the humble and inspirational journey of being human.
Because it might have taken us a long time to realize that no one (important) cares what size we are, but now that we know, let’s not waste any more time pretending otherwise.
The world will benefit from our fullness, of body and of spirit, way more than it will from our feelings of lack.
We will enjoy our new year exponentially more if we focus on what we have rather than what we might not—a fixation on an appearance that fits into only one type of box went out of fashion a while ago (along with sexism, racism, bigotry, and homophobia). It’s time for us to catch up!