Thought Catalog

How to Have Sex With Me One Time

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Don’t tell me I’m beautiful. I’m here, aren’t I? Like, I’m here. I’m doing this and I have a reason…somewhere. I know you’re supposed to think I’m beautiful, and I know I’m supposed to think so too, for now. Your mother probably had you believe that no girl really wants to have sex, and thus you think you have to talk her into it. You have to make her feel special. But see, I’m not your mother’s daughter. At least I hope not. Gross.

And what does it mean, beautiful? I guess a lot of girls are beautiful when it’s dark and their heads are all the way down there, aren’t they? Aren’t they all?

While you’re not talking, don’t ask me if I know how long you’ve wanted this. I don’t. And don’t ask me what I’m thinking. If I were thinking, there’s maybe a ten percent chance I would be here. Let me for once not think about what happened before this and what will happen next. Let me be in the moment. But if there’s a god, for his sake, do not say anything that includes the words “in the moment.”

Tell me I have great tits. Tell me you like the smell of sweat. These are small things that I can believe and I will believe them more if you show me, and believe me. All I want is to believe. Show me how you stroke your cock when you wake up in the morning and you have a little time. And show me how you like me and how you like me to to touch you and how much you want to touch me.

I’m saying: feed me cock. Not lies.

Because look, I won’t be mad if you never text me again. I’ll be mad — like crazy scorned hellcat mad — if you never text me after you, while you were getting me naked and hopefully wet, called me the best thing that’s happened to you all year. I’ll say, this is how you treat the best thing that’s happened to you all year? I’ll say, maybe my first clue should’ve been the word “thing.” Postscript: you’re a prick.

The less you promise now, the less you have to answer for later, basically; and anyway the best thing you can do with your mouth is kiss me. Everywhere. If you can kiss me and touch me at the same time: do that. Keep doing it. If you’re doing it right, you’ll hear me. For now, a little help: it helps if you don’t touch me like you’d touch a newborn or an orchid. Please, I eat; I’m not going to break. I don’t want to be handled with care. What care?

Don’t try to be good in bed. You’re not good in bed. We’re good in bed. Right, or we’re not, but let’s stay positive (not that kind of positive). We’re in this together. While it all happens you’re just a boy and I’m just a girl and we’ve been doing this since we were naked in gardens in some ancient sacral text.

Relax.

If you read it in a magazine, don’t do it.

If your ex-girlfriend liked it, do it.

I don’t mean whip out all your kinks at once. Let’s have a little mystery. Let’s not do anything that could land us in emergency because, just a guess, you’re not going to be in love with “the moment” when that moment is “please state your relationship to the patient” on an official form. Besides, I don’t need you to be different when you’re already this whole new boy in my bed. If you can’t get off on just straight-up sweat-and-vanilla fucking, you should go get professional help, and I do mean that kind of pro.

As for me, I’m trying not to be a whore. I’m not doing this for love or affection or anything in exchange. I’m doing it for the only reason anyone should ever have sex, which is: I want to. All I want to feel is want. And, yes, wantedness and wantonness. All that.

Make me cum. Again: you’ll know. Orgasms are like the price of heels at Balenciaga. If you have to ask, get the fuck out.

After that, and only after that, you’ll cum too. I mean, I’m pretty sure you will. The odds are in your favor. Then you can collapse into me and close your eyes and breathe and if you have to, I mean if you really have to, you can say I’m beautiful and I won’t say I’m not. TC mark

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    • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

      seems bleak

      • ThereRMoreAdjThanBleak

        Is it a requirement that every Thought Catalog article has to have a comment that says 'bleak' in it?

        • Mystery

          Tao Lin “reference”.

        • http://twitter.com/phmadore phmadore

          Single quotes, son, and nothing but post-2007.

        • Irony

          the tao lin army…

          'sweet'

          'damn…'

          'seems bleak'

          'felt emotional reaading this'

          etc

      • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

        actually i reread it, and it seems less bleak to me now. real talk. initially, i was fixated on this “one time” business, like why do you specify one time? doesn't that seem cynical and bleak? and this vibe I thought I was getting of “fuck relationships,” “fuck caring about the person you sleep with,” “just fuck me and i'll move on to the next guy or whatever, I don't care about you or any guy.” I think that was me reading into it, not what was actually there.

        oh and hey, tao haters, what's up babie

        • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

          not to say like fucking one time cant be sweet, but like that as a modus operandi seems bleak to me, like if you're expecting most of your sex experiences to be one time only. like wouldnt you want at least an encore?

        • Josh

          Not really. Someones you just want to have that one encounter. Most people now days exchange some kind of contact info so there is room for an encore if so desired.

    • Bangarang

      golf wang

    • pepper

      you literally put my mind into words.
      very cool piece.
      very cool.

    • saritapatrice

      Like a whole lot.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carlos-Ortiz/1279921705 Carlos Ortiz

      I was going to personalize you in my reply because of the style of your piece but it doesn't really work, as you're not this other girl and I cannot assume you to be of the same nature, so I'll take your advice with an air of gratitude, and let you know I liked the writing and state I would probably have sex with you repeatedly on the basis that you are: female, a writer that I liked, on the internet, and [nvm, just looked at your thought catalog thumbnail-sized profile picture and I don't need further theoretical points, just know I would] .

      • http://twitter.com/phmadore phmadore

        She might not want you repeatedly. And I think the whole point is that that's cool.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carlos-Ortiz/1279921705 Carlos Ortiz

          I understood the point, and I understand that she might not want to engage repeatedly or at all (realistically this is of no importance).
          I was just stating my stance as a guy and person.

        • http://twitter.com/phmadore phmadore

          I think I understood that you understood that, but was underlining it for some of the dumber bros among us.

    • http://twitter.com/phmadore phmadore

      Aye aye!

      Now, publish this simultaneously in Family Circle, USA Today, Cosmo, Esquire, and GQ, and I think America will probably be a better place within a matter of weekends.

    • Wow

      Funny. Truthful. Makes sex sound as unpleasant and harrowing as some kind of medical procedure, but in the endgame that's what sex is, I guess.

    • Neillkramer

      I do think raw sex & raw honesty go hand-in-hand.

    • nick the duke

      remind me not to sleep with you

    • http://twitter.com/phmadore phmadore

      Bros, if a woman (an apparently presentable 25-year-old Canadian blonde woman, no less) telling you what she wants makes you feel insecure, unworthy, uncomfortable, or otherwise anything besides turned on, it's YOUR fault, not hers.

      I have to say I was fully saluting this Prickett chick from paragraph 2 on. It's refreshing to have a woman not wrap her vagina up in mystical roses and potpurri. At least in letters it's refreshing. IRL, she's exactly the kind of chick who gets me. Every time. And just because it never works out doesn't mean it's not fun while it lasts, so never you mind.

    • http://twitter.com/kyleangeletti Kyle Angeletti

      awesome and honest.

      and from Toronto.

    • Thepeachprince

      HO SHIT! BALLER!

    • Hugo

      Jesus christ woman. Shut up. Damn, women think too much about this, and write articles about it as if guys care.

      • Poopie McGee

        as if that was the only point of writing/reading an article of this nature

      • Anon

        you obviously cared enough to read the entire thing and them take the time to comment..

      • jeru0455

        People like Hugo will never understand poetry. Let him wallow in his own pathetic ignorance.

    • Chris

      made me horny… jk…but… kinda….

    • ctj

      preach it sister.

    • Ogdred

      “I’ll say, this is how you treat the best thing that’s happened to you all year?”

      It's only March, so the bar is still pretty low.

    • http://twitter.com/DMULLOL dee-bo

      u r sexii. ur body is a wonderland.

    • Captainpenishelmet

      And if you want to walk the street alone, I'll disappear for you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/joshua.crooke Joshua Crooke

      If only more women could make themselves as perfectly clear as you have.

    • Matt

      That was easily one of the most honest things I have ever read.

    • http://madisonlangston.blogspot.com/ Madison Langston

      omg yes thank god someone wrote this, can i send this to every person i've ever had sex with or might want to in the future? actually, can someone else do that

      • http://twitter.com/phmadore phmadore

        call me

      • John Doe

        So you want someone else to do your dirty work for you?

        “I want to be honest — but I want someone else to do it for me.”

        Thanks for posting your full name so I can avoid ever saying more than 'hi' to you.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2M2AFGGNQDJWSGTSOKNSVODJJA Jonathan Hutchinson

      tl;dr “I am God's gift to men and you should know it – as a matter of fact, here, I'll shove it down your throat”

      • Guest

        You don't get it. Her point isn't that a lot of guys want to sleep with her. It's that if she wants to sleep with a lot of guys, she should be allowed to be powerful in the situation, and not have to listen to guys make up a whole lot of shit just to “make” her sleep with them. If she wants to, she'll do it on her own.

        • John Doe

          The point is she thinks men owe her something if she deigns to fuck them.

          That kind of attitude should be punishable with incandescent defenestration.

        • guest

          A) Learn to read
          B) Troll harder.
          “Incandescent defenestration” doesn't even make any sense at all. I sincerely hope English isn't your first language.
          You're a moron.
          Also, you clearly didn't read her post, because she asks me to do less, and recognize that they don't owe her anything and she doesn't owe them anything, and wants them to act like it. Seriously. The exact opposite of your “conclusion” about the article.

        • http://twitter.com/ShareeVamp Sharee Buell

          sh0w me exactly where she says “I am owed” or “they owe me”.
          can't find it? neither can I.
          do you ever have anything in mind when meeting someone new ends up in the bedroom?
          maybe a blow job? that is a common one.
          or maybe hitting it from behind?
          or up against a wall?
          that is all she is saying. if she could have her dream lay, this is what it would be. No bull shit, no pretty words, just fucking.
          I don't see why more men aren't trying to get at her.

    • Guest666

      it's weird, most of the women who can verbalize and conceptualize this fail at the execution…actually, most of the women who act/think this way fail to verbalize this and HOWTHEFUCKAREMENSUPPOSEDTOKNOW?@?@!}!>1??? sweet.

    • AFoolToFollow

      This type of honesty finds itself lacking, a situation that improves every time a would-be follower speaks up. Men don't always want to chase, and women don't always want to be chased. Sure, there's this level where guys need to put another notch in the belt. And girls, as Sarah points out, often just try not to feel like a whore. But is it so hard to humanize another's position that we must shake our heads and deny that the warm body lying next to us wanted to fuck too?

    • Jamon

      loved it

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