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Reasons Not To Kill Yourself Today, No. 18: Summer Is Over

There’s a me that you can have and a me that you can’t have. The me that you can have will tell you things are bad and good, but mostly good, and work is constant, but you know, good, and I’m sorry I didn’t come to that party, and summer was too short, it’s sad. But the other me knows that summer is the longest season, and now that it’s cooled and gone, well thank god, really.

Reasons Not to Kill Yourself Today, No. 14: Hugh Hefner is Single!!

Hugh Hefner, the mainstream Dov Charney, was supposedly s’posed to get married to someone my age (meanwhile, his age is the same as his bank balance) this weekend. Her name was Crystal. Of course it was. So but “Crystal” had a “change of heart,” he tweeted (gross) and instead of starting the rest of her life she went to like a pool party in Las Vegas.

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