5 Gifts You Should Definitely Ask For If You Plan On Breaking Up With Someone (And 5 No-Nos)

Photo by Craig Maltby
Photo by Craig Maltby

So we’ve all been there: It’s the age-old “I know I need to break up with him but I can’t do it during the Holidays! I promise, I’ll do it right after Christmas.”

I personally feel like if you’re going to be that nice and wait until after the Holidays you might as well get a kick-ass Christmas gift. Why? Because sitting through church, long family dinners, and holiday parties with someone you don’t like anymore is practically a job (and you deserve to be compensated).

The Stuff To Ask For

1. Laser hair removal

How much do you spend on razors? How much do you spend on waxing? This will be the gift that keeps on giving long after he’s gone.

2. One year gym membership

Not only will this be a useful gift long after the relationship is over but it will get you back in shape and ready for the single market (just make sure he pays the year in full).

3. Gift Cards

Think practical! Especially if you’re leaving someone that you’re financially dependant on or partially financially dependant on. Some good options are Starbucks, Target, Whole Foods, and Amazon.

4. An investment “piece”

An investment piece is something we find hard to buy for ourselves because something more important always seems to pop up. Also note that these items should retain a great resale value. A few of my top choices are Apple computers and Chanel bags.

5. Bill Pay

This is one of my personal favorites! If he asks you what you want, pick the biggest bill you get every month (for me its health insurance) and say you’d like him to pay it for that month. Not only do you look smart and practical but you can use the money didn’t spend on that bill as your security deposit at your new place.

The Stuff Not to Ask For

1. Dog (or any pet)

Who wants to go to doggy court to fight for full custody? No one!

2. Jewelry

Not only is it overly romantic but if you plan on making an exit in the near future, your new boyfriend won’t want you wearing jewelry you got from your ex. And if you think it would be good to sell, think again. Unless it’s pure gold, diamonds, precious stones, or high-end watches the value diminishes the second you walk out of the store.

3. Travel

If you ask for anything travel related you run the risk of him booking not only a ticket for you but one for himself too.

4. Clothes

Even if he gives you the receipt, if he didn’t use cash and you need to return it the money will go directly back on his card. Bummer!

5. Furniture (or any other shared apartment item)

I chose this one for two reasons: 1.You don’t want him trying to keep it when you leave and 2. When you finally meet the right guy and move in together he WONT want to sit on furniture that your ex bought for you. TC mark

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  • http://pouringmyartout.wordpress.com pouringmyartout

    Well, this was funny… and hardly made you seem like a manipulative, self-absorbed narcissist at all…

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