Spending the day in your pajamas can be relaxing, but is it worth it if it’s going to have negative, unintended consequences on your relationship? Let’s explore this topic with someone who knows firsthand what it’s like to have the whole day to do absolutely nothing: me!
Imagine that today, while your significant other is out working (or just generally having a productive day), you’re home in sweats, catching up on the most recent episode(s) of your favorite show, and single-handedly supporting the daily operating costs of seamless web.
Some possible reasons you may be home loafing around include:
- You are unemployed either by choice, because of personal issues, or because of a recent lay off.
- You are taking time off, maybe because you’re a student or a seasonal worker.
- You are in a transition, either switching jobs or moving for work.
- You and your partner work different days or shifts.
- You work fewer hours than your partner.
- You are a freelancer (like me), and your home is your office.
- So you’ve just spent the day doing nothing, and your loved one walks in the door after a long day on the job. Here is how the rest of your night plays out:
You’re rested and they’re ready to relax – By the end of the day, you are rested and dying to get out of the house while they’re tired and have no desire to be anywhere but home.
You aren’t focusing on them – Instead of concentrating on them, you’re either obsessively thinking about or trying to catch up on the things you didn’t get done during the day while you were apart.
You expect them to meet your needs – We all have physical and psychological needs. If you didn’t put time and energy into meeting yours during the day, you will be looking for your significant other to meet all of your needs, some of which can’t be filled by them and shouldn’t be their responsibility. This can lead to fights and frustrated expectations.
You find yourself lying – Chances are you may catch yourself lying to prevent jealousy. Who wants to admit to a three-hour nap after your partner has just worked an eight (or more)-hour day.
You engage in self-destructive behavior – The devil makes work for idle hands. When your mind isn’t being engaged and challenged, it has a way of making things up. These imaginary things can manifest in many different ways. They can be as silly as stalking your boyfriend on Facebook and noticing he “liked” another girl’s picture. Or they can be as damaging as developing an unhealthy addiction to drugs, alcohol, shopping, porn, or gambling.
Your negative feeling about yourself affects the relationship – How you’re feeling about yourself can have negative effects on your encounters. When you have had an unproductive day, not only do you not feel your best (which affects your partner), but you also have nothing to offer to the conversation. In past relationships, I would misinterpret this as evidence of having nothing in common with the person or of the fact that they’re boring or uninteresting. It’s very easy for us to fail to notice our own role in a situation.
They get to bed early and you can’t fall asleep – The next morning, they wake up ready to start the day with you, and you couldn’t fall asleep because of all the extra rest you had the day before. You may even end up sleeping in (again) and missing your morning time together. It can be a vicious cycle that’s hard to break
They resent you, even if they won’t admit it – In a relationship, both parties have responsibilities. Don’t get me wrong. It’s OK for you to take time for yourself. But spending the whole day moving from the kitchen to your bed isn’t the best way to keep the respect of your partner.