10 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself (Yet)

image - Flickr / Steve Snodgrass
image – Flickr / Steve Snodgrass

1. There’s always someone fatter than you – Seriously, just look around.

2. You may start a chain reaction – The last thing you want is for other people to steal your fire and be accused of not being original

3. There are drugs you still haven’t tried – A few pills never hurt anyone. (But a whole bottle has. So relax and don’t get any crazy ideas.)

4. They don’t have wifi in Heaven – point and case.

5. Throwing in the towel is so 1995 – Staying alive is the new “checking out.”

6. You’re smart enough to know how much life sucks – So you’re probably smart enough to make an actual contribution to the world.

7. Tara Reid is still alive – If she hasn’t given up yet, neither should you.

8. Your therapist would miss you – I’m just going to go ahead and assume that if you’re contemplating suicide, you have at least one therapist.

9. The Obama administration is almost over – You made it this far. Don’t give up now.

And last but not least…..

10. Pumpkin-flavored EVERYTHING will be here in, like, two months – Pumpkin-flavored beer, Starbucks coffees, Jamba juices, and McDonald’s pies! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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