I Wish I Had Been The Girl Who Mattered

It kills me to know you liked me but you didn’t take action because you were too afraid of what your friends might think. Maybe I wasn’t the most popular person in the world, but you liked me and you let that stop you from having a genuine relationship with a girl who liked you just the same. I wish I could have been the girl you fought for. I wish you could have realized that maybe you shouldn’t care what your friends would think or maybe you should have realized that if your friends were really your friends then they would have loved and supported you in whatever decision you made.

Unfortunately, it’s too late for you to come back all these years later and fix the underlying reason you never wanted to date me. Maybe I’m writing this to get the closure I need or maybe I’m writing this to finally tell you how I felt and still feel about this situation.

Either way I need to get this off my chest.

I wish I was the girl who mattered most. Maybe because I liked you so much my heart beat millions of miles a minute when I saw you in class or in the hallway or anywhere. Maybe I just wanted to know that I was going to be someone’s first choice for once in my life.

But I think the thing that hurts the most is the honest to god fact that you would tell my best friend about how you wanted to be with me and how you wanted to marry me. But somehow this all became a big fat lie.

If you wanted me, you wouldn’t have let anything come in-between you and getting me.

So yes; maybe I’m over you now but it still hurts to look back at the past and wonder what it would have been like if I was the number one choice. I wonder if I would have been one of the popular girls if I would have been your first choice. Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about the girl you liked but never made the move because you were too afraid of what your friends might think.

Our lives are full of wonders and regrets so maybe I’ll never get the answer I wanted while sitting in my bedroom thinking about the past, but maybe one day you will be able to see this a wonder about the girl who you gave up on all because of some silly fear. Or maybe some people who went through the same situation will read this and find some closure for themselves.

So while at the time I wanted to be the girl you wanted, but now all I can think about is how cowardly you were. A real man wouldn’t have let anyone get in the way of what he wanted. So how come you didn’t fight for what you wanted? How come you didn’t fight for me?

Maybe I’ll never get the answers from you but I sure would love to know what is going through your head right now.

Before I end this letter let me get one thing straight I don’t hate you, I never did and I probably never will. But I do have to say I really wish I could have been the girl you wanted so bad that you would have fought for me, I wish your friends did get to dictate what you wanted. But you let them and I have come to terms with that. But it will never change the fact that some part of me will always wonder what it would have been like if you would have fought for me.