Figuring Out Life (And Other Things I’ve Failed At)

There is a strenuous effort that goes into certain tasks in our lives. For example: working incredibly hard toward a job, getting out of our sweatpants and leggings into fancier sweatpants and leggings for a date, moving out, moving on, growing up, and giving our hearts to someone else. So why is it that we can place all of our exertion into things, we can put our biggest smile on and our best foot forward, we can do everything right and yet we do not obtain what we want; what we deserve? It is frustrating for all of us to face that realization of no, this is not going to occur the way we believed it would. We understand why public temper tantrums should be socially acceptable and how food is a support system that need not ever be ignored.  Therefore, it is only fair that we begin to feel more prepared next time one of these situations arises.

The Good Guy Gone Very, Very Bad:

Charming, handsome, driven, with a personality that exemplifies honesty, humor, and just enough integrity so that he has you convinced he’s never harassed anyone on Tinder. That’s usually how these men come packaged. Things start off wonderfully, you get to know one another and as you dive deeper into his world you still cannot find any skeletons, literally or figuratively, in his closet. You know you are living up to being better than he expected by respecting his space, delivering a plethora of hilarious jokes, and having your own life separate from him to focus on. It is only expected that he is going to want to commit to such a catch, and for this reason we wait loyally for the moment when we will be told to step up and collect our prize. The unfortunate truth about this is that sometimes in this cruel, unfathomable world, this does not happen. Before we can finish picturing what our futures could hold with him, he removes himself from our present.  We build these type of men up so quickly in our minds that before we really get to know them we have conformed them somewhere between our eyes and limbic system to be exactly what we want. We enable their behavior, their excuses, their silence, their absence we feel from them even when we are in their presence, and we do so all because we believe someone who is so well executed in the spreadsheets of our mind will truly be that way in reality. The truth is if you are solely going to be in love with the idea of someone you might as well save it for the big leagues, and that is what Chris Hemsworth and Ryan Gosling are for. Hold out for the real thing, it will be better than any dream guy you have ever thought up (well, close enough).

The “Where Do I Go From Here?” Post-Grad Conundrum: 

So you have made it to this point in your life and you feel as though it has not quite gone where Dr. Seuss described it would? There seems to be a new popular belief that we must have the plans of our lives executed by the time we are 22 years old. Ditch the belief. Ditch the idea that even if you are somewhere that is so much further from where you thought you would be that you have messed it all up. Even if your 9-5 consists of binge watching a series on Netflix Monday thru Friday and picking up overtime hours on the weekend you are still learning what to do in a zombie apocalypse and how being a chemistry teacher can actually be really badass. The truth is the biggest mistake you could make in your early 20s is thinking you are already are supposed to have it all together, you aren’t. It is going to be messy and frustrating and conflicting and also, pretty amazing. Keep working towards what you love, and if you do not love it head in another direction. You should find a career that feels more like fun than it feels like effort. It’s like picking a significant other, never settle for less than what you want and you’ll get it just right.

The “We Broke Up, Now What?”

People are going to tell you, “it is going to be okay” and you will nod politely, or kindly tell them to piss off because how could anything possibly be okay? Simply because it has to be. Whether you are strongly against this rule of thumb because it makes you slightly defiant or because the last time someone told you a lie so grand, Christmas was never the same, there is usually an innate small faith in all of us that under all the wallowing and angst believes in it. There must be if majority of us continue to push on, even if we try the horizontal lifestyle for a period of time, we will revert back vertically because we have to. It is during these moments, the moments when your friends push you to a standing up position even though you just want to sit and cry over one more Patrick Swayze movie that you heal without realizing it. Time does not stop for anyone which is the best thing for the broken hearts of the world because eventually laughing comes frequently and the tears dwindle. Your ex will be a memory, not a lifestyle and even though you dramatically swore you would never feel that way again, you’ll fall in love with new people, new places, new things stronger and deeper than you ever thought possible. Waiting until you are ready to date again is one thing, waiting to live is another. We are always waiting for something to happen to us, when is the last time you happened to something?

The How The F*!k Am I Supposed To Balance A Significant Other, Job, School, Family, Friends All Without Superpowers?

Ever find yourself running from one place to the other, making outfit changes in your car as if you are Kim on her wedding day? You’re day is so packed that you are not sure how you managed to make it through with a smile. Then you get home and show your actual psychotic eyes, scary smile to your best friend, otherwise known as your bed. We have been there too. Then you look at your phone realize you have not answered all the pressing questions that should have been dealt with much earlier like “what do you want for dinner?” and “what are you wearing when we go out this weekend?” Life can become an overwhelming, overpowering, clingy partner that you just cannot shake, but there are ways you can help yourself. Stop overexerting yourself; you do not have to be everywhere all the time. Offering to do more than you can handle usually leads to you releasing an inner possessed demon that will temporarily destroy ties with everyone it comes into contact with. Take a step back and evaluate what really matters to you, and what is extraneous enough to be left behind. There is nothing wrong with being involved and being busy, except that one day it will cause you to crack and it will not be pretty. Take days to relax and do nothing because when Monday morning rolls around, we know we will find you in full fledged mission force robot mode. At least you’re getting your cardio in.

The truth is even the people that seem like they have it all together really don’t. We are never going to have everything all figured out, but if we have survived our favorite television show taking a two week break for the World Series, we can survive anything. TC mark

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