Dear new girl,
He told me you were just a ‘friend’ but I always knew that wasn’t true.
I couldn’t understand what had him so attached to you, to the idea of you.
Fast forward, it’s now been 5 months since we broke up out of a 3 year relationship, almost 3 months since we’ve last spoken, and 2 months since you became his new girlfriend.
But with all that aside, if he’s anything like he was at the beginning our relationship, then I just want to say how lucky you are.
Hold on to him as hard as you can. I hope your love is enough. I hope that your all, becomes his all.
You’ll notice the way his eyes light up when you’re talking about something you love.
You’ll begin to learn of his little habits, the way he always rubs his left eyebrow when he’s frustrated.
You’ll learn how much he loves his head scratched, or how he will give you a innocent puppy dog face when he wants you to tickle his forearm.
You’ll start to learn of his condition, and you’ll want to do everything you can for him at every moment. You’ll always ask if he’s ok when he isn’t feeling ok about it, you’ll begin to worry about his health more then your own. You will take the pain his feeling with no hesitation.
One thing you’ll love is that when he’s spooning you, he’ll stop and look and you and say, “Can you be the big spoon now?” with a little grin and it’ll make your heart melt.
You’ll learn of his hatred for photos, you’ll start to see how self-conscious he is about himself, and you’ll never understand because, to you, he’s the most beautiful guy in the world. But if he loves you, he’ll let you take them because he knows how happy it makes you.
He’ll laugh at your jokes, even if they aren’t funny.
If things change, like they did with me, you’ll notice. And it’ll fucking kill you, but you won’t leave.
You’ll notice the way he starts getting hesitant around you.
You’ll notice that he won’t laugh at your jokes anymore, his face won’t light up at the way you used to giggle halfway through his kisses.
At the beginning, you’ll think it’s nothing. And then all of a sudden, it’s everything.
He’ll start to get defensive over his phone. He won’t tell you that you’re beautiful anymore.
If this happens, I’d leave. Because he will destroy every part of your heart, and walk away without looking back. He won’t care how broken he’s left you, because he’s already off caring about another girl.
For me, you were that other girl.
I can tell you love him, but I know deep down that you will never love him nearly as much as I loved him. I know this because despite everything I still want the best for him. I want him to be happy. I want him to succeed and become the best man he can be.
It’s been 5 months and one thing I want to say is thank you. I know that’s weird, but thank you for making me realize that if he could leave me so easily, he was never the one for me.
I went through hell and back and bounced back as the most confident and strongest person.
And despite my days where I miss him, where I crave him more than anything in the world, I can officially say it was the best thing to ever happen to me. That’s something I never thought I’d say 5 months ago.
All my love,
His first love