In our piece, The Myth Of The Male Orgasm, we wrote about men who have trouble coming — it’s not as uncommon as you think. In fact, an AskMen survey found that 23% of guys have faked it at some point.
Women impersonate the O for various reasons; a common excuse is not wanting to hurt his feelings. AskMen says that guys do it for the same reason. “The prevailing opinion is that men should be able to climax whenever, wherever and under any circumstance,” which simply isn’t true. Your dude might have trouble peaking if he’s tired, stressed or drunk or if he’s already climaxed that day. And if that’s the situation, he might fake it.
Of course, it’d be better to postpone sex or talk to your partner about why you’re not hitting the high note but real life doesn’t always work the way it should. Ladies, here are some signs he might be faking it.
1. His moans sound like those kooky cat noises you hear late at night.
AskMen tells guys to avoid doing anything too emphatic: “overacting will kill this performance.” Look for unusually intense cries, thrashing or weird facial expressions.
2. You usually come in missionary position but this time he moves behind you before climax.
One of the joys (or predicaments) of face-to-face sex is seeing the other person’s expressions when they come and that contortion is pretty hard to fudge. AskMen warns, “a girl who has been with you before will recognize if your orgasm face is not consistent. So, when faking an orgasm, it’s best to do it doggy-style or in any other position in which you’re not facing one another.”
3. He trashed the condom too quickly.
AskMen advises dudes to “take off the condom immediately after pulling out and wrap it in a tissue before you throw it in the garbage,” so you won’t see that the rubber’s reservoir tip is in a drought. If you’re the snooping type you could go through the trash, but that would be mildly creepy.
4. He gets all cuddly when he usually flips over and goes to sleep (or vice versa).
Doing something different after sex could mean he’s turned over a new leaf OR it could mean he’s not experiencing his normal post-peak feelings so he’s doing what he thinks he should do instead of what he feels like doing. AskMen says that “now is not the time to deviate from your normal routine.”
Keep in mind that even if all signs point to fabrication, his O might, in fact, be for real. Maybe the sex was so incredible that it brought out his inner Pavarotti or mixed-martial artist. Or maybe he was bored of same old position and wanted something new. Perhaps the condom was constricting him and he wanted that sucker off, stat. Don’t jump to any conclusions.
If you do think he’s faked it and want to talk, bring it up gently. Orgasms are super intimate so you don’t want him feeling like he has to defend himself. Getting angry or accusing him won’t lead to a productive conversation and could actually draw you further apart. Try saying, “Hey it seemed like that orgasm was different than usual” or, “How was that for you? It felt like something might have been off — do you want to talk about it?” Or you could hold up the empty condom and say, “What’s this?” But don’t say we didn’t warn you.