Thought Catalog

Here’s What He’s Like In Bed, According To His Zodiac Sign

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Jesse Herzog
Jesse Herzog

Aries (March 21st- April 19th)

Enthusiasm is the name of the ram’s game. He’s not going to want to dilly-dally around with courting you, and frankly, you’ll find his straightforward eagerness irresistible. He approaches sex with a disarming directness, and you look at your breasts like they’re the first pair he’s ever seen. He may be quick to finish, but fear not ladies (and gents)- it generally doesn’t take much to get this guy ready for round two. Good luck pinning this guy down before the age of 35 though, he’s got the attention span of a honeybee and is generally off looking for the next flower to ravage once he’s done with yours.

Taurus (April 20th – May 20th)

The bull is about all things sensual. While this raw sensuality usually looks good on a woman, on the Taurus man it can occasionally come off as, well…a little sleazy. He’s an earthy fellow, and loves fleshy curves, bawdy jokes, and the natural scent of a woman. Bonus? He’ll go down on your for hours. Drawback? He’s a slow-mover, relationship-wise, so while he’s down to get down fairly quickly, it’s sometimes tough to get him to call back. Once he makes a commitment he’s in it for the long haul, and it takes a lot of convincing to get him there.

Gemini (May 21st – June 20th)

Geminis are the Peter Pans of the zodiac. You’ll generally find them by the record player, or in a group of friends, always with a smile and an impish twinkle in their eye. This guy will seduce you with words- and if there’s no mental connection, then there’s no roll-in-the-hay. Once you get him in the sack, it’s as fun and lighthearted as the conversation that landed you there. Geminis are fans of light touch, position changes, mild dirty talk (their ruler being Mercury, the planet of communication) and feather-light kisses. Don’t expect them to stick around though, unless you can keep up with their kaleidoscope of interests. Not being fans of the heavy feels or deep emotions, if they sense things are getting too serious too quick, they’ll hop on their, bike, scooter, rollerskates, and be gone- second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Cancer (June 21st – July 22nd)

Busty girls rejoice! Cancer is all about mother, and there’s nothing more this man loves than a substantial rack. He’s not one to engage in lively conversation or even make the first move, but once he does, you’re in for a full-body sensory experience. A cancer man loves the feel of a womanly woman, and will spend hours with the kisses and caresses, running his fingers through your hair, whispering sweet nothings, making sure your pleased (usually a few times) before showing you the art of making love. The downside? Once it’s over, the Cancer often feels he’s showed to much of himself and scurries back into his shell, where there’s no cell phone service and you’re left bewildered and hungry for more. Just be glad it happened and don’t overthink it.

Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd)

The lion will woo you, no doubt about it. If you want roses, compliments, grand gestures, an escort to your second cousins wedding and a dance partner for salsa class, look no further. The Leo lover will keep you in a whirlwind of romance and laughter, and once you’ve got him between the sheets, he’ll make damn sure you’re satisfied. After all, there’s nothing a Leo loves more than an audience, and being the best at everything, and this is no exception when it comes to bedroom acrobatics. Buyer beware though- while he’ll be jealous of men glancing your way, chances are you’re not the only lady he’s put under his spell. Like I said, Leo loves an audience, and an audience is generally made up of more than once person.

Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)

Virgos get a bad rap for being the ‘Virgins’ of the zodiac. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. As an earth sign, Virgos possess a deep sensuality and when safe, love a variety of sexual antics that would leave even the Leo or Scorpios head spinning. The Virgo is all about his health, your pleasure, and overall cleanliness. This guy isn’t into pubic hair and will make sure that you’ve drunk your kale shake and changed the bedsheets before giving you a go-around- and forget about going sans protection. This sign would never ‘pull-and-pray’. There’s a detachment to the Virgo lover that can be disconcerting at first, but fear not- he’s devoted to his lover, and the deeper you grow as a couple (this guy likes being in a relationship), the deeper your sexual bond will grow. Along with your vitamin collection and organic-food delivery service bill.

Libra (September 23rd – October 22nd)

Ah, Libras. The lovers of the Zodiac. Libras are ruled by Venus, the planet of love, and are truly in love with love. They will dazzle you with their megawatt smile, engage you in conversations ranging from motocross to eastern philosophy (whatever they’ve gleaned you’re into), and make you feel like the most interesting person in the world. Before you know it, you’re floating on a sparkly pink cloud to their bed, where they’ll make you think they’re a good lover. Libras, like Geminis, are all about the mind. Afterward you may be left feeling somewhat empty. It’s because while Libras will make you think you’re the only person in the room, , they were more in love with the idea of you than the real you- just like they’re in love with the idea of love than love itself. That said, chances are you’ll get a few stimulating conversations, some awesome wine recommendations and a couple orgasms out of the whole affair. Not a bad way to spend a weekend!

Scorpio (October 23rd – November 21st)

Prepare to be stripped down, literally and figuratively. Most Scorpios hold true to their reputations- their gaze smolder, their words hypnotize, and women find themselves melting under their magnetism. There’s something primal and animalistic about these men. If you can handle the intensity, they’re more fun than a barrel of vibrators. They’ve got a sexual appetite that rivals a Japanese hot-dog eating champ, and they’re fixated on pleasing you- not because they love you per se, but because they love the power. Afterwards, you’ll be left, drained of your life force, ravaged and swollen, not sure if you’re in love, pregnant, or simply left for dead. Generally, the Scorpio won’t let you know which one it is, although it’s usually the latter.

Sagittarius (November 22nd – December 21st)

Sags are all about expansion. As a fire sign, they’re passionate, funny, impulsive, and silly. Much like the Aries, they don’t like to dilly-dally when it comes to sex. They’re eager learners, and while they may be a little clumsy when you first get them in the kip, they’re good listeners and will happily take instruction. As the philosophers of the Zodiac, you’ll occasionally meet the sanctimonious Sagittarius who would rather sit with you for hours debating religion, politics, and education- anything but sex. These guys can live so deep in the expansive mental realm they’ll forget about the pleasures of the body. Fear not though ladies- by and large, when these guys are young, they’re all about that booty, and they’ll never judge you if you decide to put out on the first date.

Capricorn (December 22nd – January 19th)

Capricorns are the only sign that rival the sexual appetite (and deviancies) of the Scorpio. The big difference lies in public persona. Capricorns are all about ambition and success-or at least that’s the perception they give off. Once the bedroom doors are closed though, get ready for the dog collar, sex swing, pornographic DVD’s and crotchless satin panties (for him). Are you the truest sense of a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets? Do you have a burning desire to be both First Lady and Mistress of the Sex Cave? Look no farther than the Capricorn.

Aquarius (January 20th – February 18th)

You’d better love yourself, and be secure in that love, because the Aquarian lover is not one for poems and romance. Here is the sign of group love, humanitarian love, love of the world- but it’ll take one special lady to get him to utter those three little words. Ironically, it’s your words that will seduce him to your lair. Another air sign, like Gemini and Libra, he loves conversation, unusual ways of thinking and mental stimulation. As a lover he’s curious yet detached. Don’t worry- as a fixed sign, once you capture his heart, he’s yours for good- just remember that the starving children in Africa and the wounded dog at the pound down the street will probably always come first.

Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)

Being with a Pisces is like being inside a sweet, watery dream. AS the last sign of the zodiac, the Pisces is an old soul. Also, being the oldest sign of the zodiac, legend has it he’s been every other sing prior to his current Piscean nature. This translates to a grab-bag of sexy fun times. You never know what you’re going to get- you may come home from York one day and find yourself tossed facedown on the bed with your skirt around your waist and your panties around your ankles while he spanks your bottom and makes you tell you how much like it. The next day for all you know he’ll seduce you with your favorite meal and a bathtub full of rose petals and then make such slow, sweet, toe-curling love to you you’ll swear you saw the face of god. The next day he may fall into a black mood, morose and wordless, comforted only by his Bright Eyes records and a bottle of Merlot. Even still, sex with the Pisces can border on a religious experience, and the pros most definitely outweigh the cons. TC mark

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