I can barely gather my thoughts to write this, knowing that every moment you are not with me you are with someone else. Knowing that every second that passes is taking me further and further away from those sweet memories we made, taking me away from your embrace, from the depths of your eyes that continuously search me. Taking me away from your heart that has pulled me in in such a senseless way.
I struggle to form sentences as my mind wanders, trying to imagine what you are doing, if you are thinking of me, if you are missing me. I find myself going back to those words you told me, questioning their truth. Was I so easily deceived simply because I fell in love with you? Is letting go this difficult because of this love that is driving my every heartbeat back to you? How can I reconcile this deep love I have for you with the reality of you not choosing me?
I loved you.
I loved and I loved and I loved.
You are the one that my heart so wanted. The one person that infused life into my being. As if my life was reborn into another life the day I met you. And yet I find myself alone, painting images in thin air with nothing but shadows of what could have been.
To the one who didn’t choose me, you know that my feelings were true.
You know there was no one else but you. But believe me when I say that although I lost myself in my love for you, I have not lost my worth. I have not lost this vision that I have of being someone’s one and only; of being the only girl one’s heart calls home. My worth is steadying my steps away from you because as much as I love you, you were not good for me.
I will embrace this new life without you and choose myself over and over. I will not lose sight of the kind of love that is laid out for me in the stars. A love where I am not fighting for someone to choose me. A love that comes to me freely, that leaves me at peace because I am not only being loved, but I am being chosen.